Dear Jesus,
I'm writing to you because I'm a writer and that's how I communicate best. I know that you hear my prayers and know my thoughts in my heart before I even have them.
First, Lord please forgive me that I fall short of the Christian I should be. I don't doubt you but I doubt myself when things are going badly. Satan puts thoughts in my mind. My mom says that if you're going along with everything working out perfectly, you better get on your knees and pray to see if you're truly living right. She says Satan causes grief and pain to Christians because we are the souls he wants to win from God.
Sometimes Lord it gets hard when you're bombarded by bad things happening. I have in the past been able to pray and it felt like you took hold of my hand. Recently, a lot of bad things happened and I prayed but didn't feel you take my hand. I finally realized that I needed more than your hand and you responded by carrying me because I was so broken and beaten down. I'm sorry for my doubt.
I thought that I was unworthy of even holding your hand and I was right. None of us is worthy of your precious grace and that's what makes your grace something beautiful. I don't deserve it yet it's available if I just reach out in faith and believe you are my Savior who died on the cross for me. I've often wished that I could have lived when you were a man walking the earth. I like to think that I would recognize you as my Savior and have been the woman whose faith was such that she simply wanted to touch the hem of your robe. I know now that through prayer and reading my Bible, I am that woman accepting on faith that you are all knowing and can understand what's in my heart.
Jesus, thank you for all the many blessings that I have in my life. You have blessed me with wonderful parents who are the strong Christians that I desire to be and a wonderful sister (and her family) and most of all, thank you for my daughter who is the greatest blessing I could ever hope for. Even with such blessings, I have my dark moments when I doubt myself. I know that I am my own worst enemy because of anxiety and self esteem issues. The devil uses these flaws to try to make me doubt your love for me. Lord, please forgive me for letting these thoughts cloud my judgement. It's hard to fight those doubts about myself.
I often think of things I've done in the past and sinned against you. I have confessed and asked for forgiveness so these things are washed clean. I have received your forgiveness but the forgiveness I need to find is my forgiveness of myself. So, with this letter I'm reaching out for the hem of your garment. Thank you Lord for not only reaching and taking my hand, but thank you for carrying me when I've needed it. Lord I am so sorry that I'm failing in so many ways, but I know that if I continue to pray and read your word then you will strengthen me. Thank you for your love and blessings. Continue to speak to my heart and help me remember to pray not just when things are going badly but when also when things are going well.
Sincerely,
TonyaMarie Swearingen
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Monday, March 13, 2017
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
JUST A VESSEL
Just to recap, I recently posted the story of a man who has cancer and there's nothing more anyone could do. (**SEE MR TOMMY'S STORY). I went to help care for his dogs and while I was there I felt led to thank him and his wife for allowing me to help out because it is through helping others that I can allowed God's love to show through me. Mr. Tommy replied, "you should know I'm not a Christian". Normally I may have dropped the conversation right there, but the Holy Spirit took over and I shared my testimony of God having healed me.
I drove home crying and praying out loud to God asking for Mr. Tommy to be healed and that he should come to know Jesus. Many of you responded to a FB post asking for prayer. Well, the prayers worked. Today, I got an email that Mr. Tommy had asked Jesus into his heart and had asked him for forgiveness. I shed tears of joy and prayed prayers of thanksgiving upon hearing of this. So, my message in this post is that our prayers have been answered. However, there's something else.
I'm not the type to go into conversations about religion at every turn, but I don't hide my faith either. I was led to share my story by divine inspiration. The fact is that as Christians we must always act as if someone were watching because they are. You may never know the lives you can touch on any given day and that influence can be positive or negative. I didn't go to see Mr. Tommy in order to change his heart. I didn't know his heart, but God did and he used me as a vessel to show (not just tell) how powerful God is and can be.
I take no credit for the change in Mr Tommy. Perhaps something I shared helped bring him to believe but just as a vessel can't take credit for how pure the water is, neither can I take credit. How often have I felt this tug on my heart that a stranger needs a kind hello or needs to get ahead of me in the grocery line. I'm sorry to say that I haven't always heeded these messages. I have asked God many times why he healed me, what was left for me to do here on earth. The fact is I may not know until I see Jesus face to face exactly what my true purpose was. But I have learned my lesson. When God says be a prayer warrior, I'll stop what I'm doing and I will pray. When the Holy Spirit nudges me to tell my testimony I'd better do it no matter if I know the person or not.
I'm not perfect. I struggle with questions some days and all I can do is pray for discernment. I now fully understand that God has a plan for all of us and we may influence others positively or negatively depending upon our actions and our words. We should all pray each day that God use us for his glory. We should graciously become a vessel for God's love.
God Bless
I drove home crying and praying out loud to God asking for Mr. Tommy to be healed and that he should come to know Jesus. Many of you responded to a FB post asking for prayer. Well, the prayers worked. Today, I got an email that Mr. Tommy had asked Jesus into his heart and had asked him for forgiveness. I shed tears of joy and prayed prayers of thanksgiving upon hearing of this. So, my message in this post is that our prayers have been answered. However, there's something else.
I'm not the type to go into conversations about religion at every turn, but I don't hide my faith either. I was led to share my story by divine inspiration. The fact is that as Christians we must always act as if someone were watching because they are. You may never know the lives you can touch on any given day and that influence can be positive or negative. I didn't go to see Mr. Tommy in order to change his heart. I didn't know his heart, but God did and he used me as a vessel to show (not just tell) how powerful God is and can be.
I take no credit for the change in Mr Tommy. Perhaps something I shared helped bring him to believe but just as a vessel can't take credit for how pure the water is, neither can I take credit. How often have I felt this tug on my heart that a stranger needs a kind hello or needs to get ahead of me in the grocery line. I'm sorry to say that I haven't always heeded these messages. I have asked God many times why he healed me, what was left for me to do here on earth. The fact is I may not know until I see Jesus face to face exactly what my true purpose was. But I have learned my lesson. When God says be a prayer warrior, I'll stop what I'm doing and I will pray. When the Holy Spirit nudges me to tell my testimony I'd better do it no matter if I know the person or not.
I'm not perfect. I struggle with questions some days and all I can do is pray for discernment. I now fully understand that God has a plan for all of us and we may influence others positively or negatively depending upon our actions and our words. We should all pray each day that God use us for his glory. We should graciously become a vessel for God's love.
God Bless
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