A LETTER TO JESUS

Dear Jesus,

I'm writing to you because I'm a writer and that's how I communicate best. I know that you hear my prayers and know my thoughts in my heart before I even have them.

First, Lord please forgive me that I fall short of the Christian I should be. I don't doubt you but I doubt myself when things are going badly. Satan puts thoughts in my mind. My mom says that if you're going along with everything working out perfectly, you better get on your knees and pray to see if you're truly living right. She says Satan causes grief and pain to Christians because we are the souls he wants to win from God.

 Sometimes Lord it gets hard when you're bombarded by bad things happening. I have in the past been able to pray and it felt like you took hold of my hand. Recently, a lot of bad things happened and I prayed but didn't feel you take my hand. I finally realized that I needed more than your hand and you responded by carrying me because I was so broken and beaten down. I'm sorry for my doubt.

I thought that I was unworthy of even holding your hand and I was right. None of us is worthy of your precious grace and that's what makes your grace something beautiful. I don't deserve it yet it's available if I just reach out in faith and believe you are my Savior who died on the cross for me. I've often wished that I could have lived when you were a man walking the earth. I like to think that I would recognize you as my Savior and have been the woman whose faith was such that she simply wanted to touch the hem of your robe. I know now that through prayer and reading my Bible, I am that woman accepting on faith that you are all knowing and can understand what's in my heart.

Jesus, thank you for all the many blessings that I have in my life. You have blessed me with wonderful parents who are the strong Christians that I desire to be and a wonderful sister (and her family) and most of all, thank you for my daughter who is the greatest blessing I could ever hope for. Even with such blessings, I have my dark moments when I doubt myself. I know that I am my own worst enemy because of anxiety and self esteem issues. The devil uses these flaws to try to make me doubt your love for me. Lord, please forgive me for letting these thoughts cloud my judgement. It's hard to fight those doubts about myself.

I often think of things I've done in the past and sinned against you. I have confessed and asked for forgiveness so these things are washed clean. I have received your forgiveness but the forgiveness I need to find is my forgiveness of myself. So, with this letter I'm reaching out for the hem of your garment. Thank you Lord for not only reaching and taking my hand, but thank you for carrying me when I've needed it. Lord I am so sorry that I'm failing in so many ways, but I know that if I continue to pray and read your word then you will strengthen me. Thank you for your love and blessings. Continue to speak to my heart and help me remember to pray not just when things are going badly but when also when things are going well.

Sincerely,
TonyaMarie Swearingen