I haven't blogged a post in a while. I've working on my novel which is a third finished. I just have something on my heart that I need to share. It's New year's eve. I'm at home. i've been a bit down.
It happens time to time as I'm bi-polar. I've been sad and although I have faith in
God, I have questioned hime as to why I have to suffer this. Pray and pray but I begin to doubt whether he hears or wants to answer me.
I begin to wonder why. Then I felt that I wasn't worthy of his love. Then I realized that not one of us is worthy of his love. Christ died on the cross in order to give us forgiveness. Which one on of is worthy to have the Son of God die a brutal death on the cross to save us from sin?
We are not worthy. We are but human and fallible. That's what makes God's love for us even more special. We should be thankful each day for that love. But being human, we doubt God's love for us. When we doubt his love, we need to think of the Cross and JESUS who gave his life but rose from the deed and descended to heaven where he serves at the right hand of the Father.
I'm not worthy but I try to accept his love and have faith in God.
God Bless
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Saturday, November 5, 2016
SURVIVING SEXUAL ASSAULT
When I was a freshman in college, I was raped. It happened one month before my 18th birthday, Halloween night 1986. I went to a fraternity party dressed as a playboy bunny in a white leotard, tights, a bunny tail and ears. I had some drinks and was having a great time with my friends. The friend who had accompanied me decided to leave before I was ready to go home. I told her I'd be fine. When the party was winding down, one of the fraternity brothers that I considered a friend offered to walk me back to my dorm room.
When we got to my room, he asked if he could use my bathroom. I said, "Sure, my roommate is not here so you won't wake her."
Inside the room he grabbed me from behind and started kissing my neck. I asked him to stop, but instead he pulled me backwards and threw me across the end of my bed against the wall. My head hit the cinderblock wall. I must have passed out for several minutes.
When I came to, I was undressed and he was on top of me trying to force himself inside of me. Through my tears, I asked him to stop. He clutched my throat and said, "If you scream, I'll kill you."
I turned my head away and tried to just pray for it to be over. It hurt so bad because he was being so rough. It felt like it lasted for an eternity. When he finished, he said, "You tell anyone and I've got 30 frat brothers who'll swear you've already done them. Don't even think of calling the cops or I'll come back and do much worse."
I believed him. After he left, I showered for a long time until the water ran cold. I just wanted to get the scent of him off of me. I cried myself to sleep. The physical injuries didn't compare to what the rape did to my soul, to my sense of personal safety or to my self esteem. I tried to pretend nothing had happened but I had nightmares that made the darkness something to continually fear.
In 1986, acquaintance rapes were not really talked about. I thought I had done something to ask for it to happen like the way I was dressed or the fact that I had been drinking. Of course, now I know that the rape wasn't about those things. Rape is about anger, violence and control. I was not the one to blame; my rapist was.
It took me many years to get past the rape and the trust issues that came after. I wish I could say the nightmares are gone but I still have them occasionally. I often wonder if I might have had closure sooner had I reported the rape. That's something I'll never know. All I know is that I did survive and I've lived to tell my story. Hopefully, my sharing this can help other young women who have experienced rape to talk about it.
Rape is never the victim's fault, no matter what she wears or how drunk she might have been. No means no.
When we got to my room, he asked if he could use my bathroom. I said, "Sure, my roommate is not here so you won't wake her."
Inside the room he grabbed me from behind and started kissing my neck. I asked him to stop, but instead he pulled me backwards and threw me across the end of my bed against the wall. My head hit the cinderblock wall. I must have passed out for several minutes.
When I came to, I was undressed and he was on top of me trying to force himself inside of me. Through my tears, I asked him to stop. He clutched my throat and said, "If you scream, I'll kill you."
I turned my head away and tried to just pray for it to be over. It hurt so bad because he was being so rough. It felt like it lasted for an eternity. When he finished, he said, "You tell anyone and I've got 30 frat brothers who'll swear you've already done them. Don't even think of calling the cops or I'll come back and do much worse."
I believed him. After he left, I showered for a long time until the water ran cold. I just wanted to get the scent of him off of me. I cried myself to sleep. The physical injuries didn't compare to what the rape did to my soul, to my sense of personal safety or to my self esteem. I tried to pretend nothing had happened but I had nightmares that made the darkness something to continually fear.
In 1986, acquaintance rapes were not really talked about. I thought I had done something to ask for it to happen like the way I was dressed or the fact that I had been drinking. Of course, now I know that the rape wasn't about those things. Rape is about anger, violence and control. I was not the one to blame; my rapist was.
It took me many years to get past the rape and the trust issues that came after. I wish I could say the nightmares are gone but I still have them occasionally. I often wonder if I might have had closure sooner had I reported the rape. That's something I'll never know. All I know is that I did survive and I've lived to tell my story. Hopefully, my sharing this can help other young women who have experienced rape to talk about it.
Rape is never the victim's fault, no matter what she wears or how drunk she might have been. No means no.
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
DREAM ON
Not too long ago, I asked myself if I was the only one whose dreams never came true. Under my high school yearbook picture my life goal was "to write the great American novel". I thought that my dreams of that were not to be, but I had achieved a new dream which was having a beautiful daughter. My dream of a marriage that lasts all my life had ended, not failed, just ended.
While a stay at home mom, I published a number of freelance articles but didn't have the time to pursue my craft full time. After my divorce in 2011, I faced an extended potentially fatal illness. During my recovery, I began writing my own story which was very cathartic and helped my hone my craft but nothing was ready for publishing. So I read a lot and I prayed a lot. I should have known, everything happens in God's time not in mine. At that point, I began to dream on. I voiced those dreams to God and asked for guidance.
In the summer of 2016, God answered my prayers in a big way. I became inspired with a plot for a new novel and started doing research for that project. Then I saw an ad for writers wanted for a media group that owns eight women's magazines in the southeast. I sent my clips in to the editorial staff and was hired as a contributing writer. I have two articles coming out in the next issue of Emerald City Woman in Greenwood, South Carolina. I also was led to start this blog. In the first month, I received over 1000 views and it went international to ten countries on four continents. Thank you loyal readers, you are helping to encourage me to dream on.
I'm almost fifty years old, and I am proof that your dreams should stay in your heart no matter how long you've desired them. Through prayer, listening to God's desire for my life, and hard work my dreams are now becoming reality. Never give up on your dreams. They may be postponed while you fulfill God's plan for your life, but they never should go away. Everything happens for a reason and it happens in God's time, not in your time.
With a lot of work, a lot of prayer and a lot of faith dreams can come true at any time. Don't give up because one ending may lead to new beginnings. So always DREAM ON!!
While a stay at home mom, I published a number of freelance articles but didn't have the time to pursue my craft full time. After my divorce in 2011, I faced an extended potentially fatal illness. During my recovery, I began writing my own story which was very cathartic and helped my hone my craft but nothing was ready for publishing. So I read a lot and I prayed a lot. I should have known, everything happens in God's time not in mine. At that point, I began to dream on. I voiced those dreams to God and asked for guidance.
In the summer of 2016, God answered my prayers in a big way. I became inspired with a plot for a new novel and started doing research for that project. Then I saw an ad for writers wanted for a media group that owns eight women's magazines in the southeast. I sent my clips in to the editorial staff and was hired as a contributing writer. I have two articles coming out in the next issue of Emerald City Woman in Greenwood, South Carolina. I also was led to start this blog. In the first month, I received over 1000 views and it went international to ten countries on four continents. Thank you loyal readers, you are helping to encourage me to dream on.
I'm almost fifty years old, and I am proof that your dreams should stay in your heart no matter how long you've desired them. Through prayer, listening to God's desire for my life, and hard work my dreams are now becoming reality. Never give up on your dreams. They may be postponed while you fulfill God's plan for your life, but they never should go away. Everything happens for a reason and it happens in God's time, not in your time.
With a lot of work, a lot of prayer and a lot of faith dreams can come true at any time. Don't give up because one ending may lead to new beginnings. So always DREAM ON!!
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
LET'S INVADE CANADA
OK, Let's be real. Immigrants and visitors from most countries who come to the USA are identifiable because of language, accent, or cultural differences. Canadians are sneaky little bastards who can easily blend in and seem like just another citizen. I worry that the back and forth across the Canadian/US border is so normal every day that undesirables from terrorist countries could easily slip their way in. Plus, what is really the big difference between Canada and the US, except for the confused ones who think they're French.
So, I think we should just invade Canada and make them all Americans. It would expand our tax base and from what I've read they've got a good healthcare system in place. We could adopt the good things about Canada and they could adopt our culture. I mean, they're practically American anyway. Then, we could protect our largest land border entry. It's not that I don't think the border patrol does a bad job, but there's a lot of wilderness and water crossings where people can sneak across the border.
If Donald Trump can suggest a wall to keep the Mexican border safe, why can't I propose the invasion of Canada to annex them and put the entire country under Homeland Security's watchful eye? Come to think of it, that seems a perfect plan we would no longer have to worry about the Canadian border. We could go in and kick out any undesirable resident aliens and take control of most of North America. I don't think Canada has much of a military. At least, you never really here about their military prowess. If we invaded they'd probably surrender within a couple of days. Yes, the more I think about it we really need to invade and annex Canada as a US territory. That way, we would control the majority of North America.
Maybe Donald Trump should give me a call. With his plan for a wall to keep the Mexican border safe, and my plan to invade Canada, we can keep all the terrorists out. So, Donald if you read this and like my ideas give me a call.
****AUTHOR'S NOTE, THIS POST IS MEANT TO BE A HUMOROUS TONGUE IN CHEEK LOOK AT CERTAIN CURRENT EVENTS.
So, I think we should just invade Canada and make them all Americans. It would expand our tax base and from what I've read they've got a good healthcare system in place. We could adopt the good things about Canada and they could adopt our culture. I mean, they're practically American anyway. Then, we could protect our largest land border entry. It's not that I don't think the border patrol does a bad job, but there's a lot of wilderness and water crossings where people can sneak across the border.
If Donald Trump can suggest a wall to keep the Mexican border safe, why can't I propose the invasion of Canada to annex them and put the entire country under Homeland Security's watchful eye? Come to think of it, that seems a perfect plan we would no longer have to worry about the Canadian border. We could go in and kick out any undesirable resident aliens and take control of most of North America. I don't think Canada has much of a military. At least, you never really here about their military prowess. If we invaded they'd probably surrender within a couple of days. Yes, the more I think about it we really need to invade and annex Canada as a US territory. That way, we would control the majority of North America.
Maybe Donald Trump should give me a call. With his plan for a wall to keep the Mexican border safe, and my plan to invade Canada, we can keep all the terrorists out. So, Donald if you read this and like my ideas give me a call.
****AUTHOR'S NOTE, THIS POST IS MEANT TO BE A HUMOROUS TONGUE IN CHEEK LOOK AT CERTAIN CURRENT EVENTS.
CODE 3 IN A HURRICANE
Yes, while all the rest of South Carolinians were staying off the roads as Hurricane Matthew made landfall in Beaufort and Charleston, I was out riding along with a K-9 Unit of the Sheriff's Dept on the graveyard shift. It was extremely exciting but was my second such ride along with the unit which I was doing as research for a book I'm working on. First, I should recap that first amazing night I spent with Deputy T. Blackwelder and his K-9 partner, Lannes.
Lannes, a German Shepard, has been on the road since last November. Deputy Blackwelder introduced me to Lannes using only whisper commands the dog heeled by his side as I extended my hand which he promptly licked. We started the nighshift patrol and it wasn't long before I got to see Lannes in action. Every time the deputy got out of the SUV, Lannes was on his feet ready to go watching the deputy through the windshield. He got Lannes out to search a suspicious vehicle. The dog immediately alerted on the driver's side door and the deputy praised him but didn't him his reward because he needed to complete the "fresh air sniff" search (meaning from outside the vehicle and no probable cause is necessary). Around the other side I saw Lannes alert on the passenger side. At that point the deputy gave Lannes his reward - his ball. He then had probable cause and searched the interior of the car. whereupon he found several hypodermic needles which had traces of heroin. It was incredible that the dog got the scent from such a small amount of drugs. The next search was on a traffic stop on the interstate. Again, Lannes alerted and the car was searched. Only a spattering of marijuana seeds and buds were found on the floorboard. The most exciting thing to happen was a real surprise. We got the call of shots fired at a residence and we weren't far away. Deputy Blackwelder told me to hang on and he turned on the blue light and siren. At speeds well over 100mph we proceeded down #1Hwy. Then we were on a two lane side street. He said, "You know we're doing 85 in a 30mph zone." And I replied, "I figured that out a few miles back!"
Deputy Blackwelder was the perfect person to ride with for my research. He not only is the handler for Lannes, but he trains all the other dogs and handlers with the Sheriff's Dept. He's ex-military and while deployed worked with an explosives sniffing dog. If you think I'm painting him to be a real 'badass' it's because he really is. He's like the "dog whisperer" of Aiken County. He took time to answer all my questions and explain everything that happened on our ride along. So when I had a few more questions, I arranged another ride along with him on the midnight shift.
So rather than barricading myself indoors away from all the rain and winds we got from the hurricane last Friday night, I was on another ride along. It was a bit of a slow night because most people were holed up in their houses off the road. We did have one interesting call. A stolen car was spotted and a high speed pursuit was initiated by other deputies as we finished up the call we were on. Then it was blue lights and siren to get Lannes on scene for when they baled out of their car. Deputy Blackwelder said, "We're CODE 3 in a hurricane". The hurricane barely slowed us down since the deputy is such a good driver after all he is a defensive driving instructor at the Police Academy. The rain was pouring almost going sideways from all the wind and to the scene we went. I never worried for a minute. Like I said, he's pretty much a badass!
I ended my ride along about 1:30am and then had to brave the elements to drive home but I didn't mind a little hurricane weather. These ride alongs were not only essential to my research, but they were a lot of fun. A big thank you to Lannes, Deputy Blackwelder, and Sheriff Michael Hunt. I couldn't write my book without all of their assistance. And if you've got drugs moving through Aiken County, you might have occasion to meet the Badass and Lannes.
Lannes, a German Shepard, has been on the road since last November. Deputy Blackwelder introduced me to Lannes using only whisper commands the dog heeled by his side as I extended my hand which he promptly licked. We started the nighshift patrol and it wasn't long before I got to see Lannes in action. Every time the deputy got out of the SUV, Lannes was on his feet ready to go watching the deputy through the windshield. He got Lannes out to search a suspicious vehicle. The dog immediately alerted on the driver's side door and the deputy praised him but didn't him his reward because he needed to complete the "fresh air sniff" search (meaning from outside the vehicle and no probable cause is necessary). Around the other side I saw Lannes alert on the passenger side. At that point the deputy gave Lannes his reward - his ball. He then had probable cause and searched the interior of the car. whereupon he found several hypodermic needles which had traces of heroin. It was incredible that the dog got the scent from such a small amount of drugs. The next search was on a traffic stop on the interstate. Again, Lannes alerted and the car was searched. Only a spattering of marijuana seeds and buds were found on the floorboard. The most exciting thing to happen was a real surprise. We got the call of shots fired at a residence and we weren't far away. Deputy Blackwelder told me to hang on and he turned on the blue light and siren. At speeds well over 100mph we proceeded down #1Hwy. Then we were on a two lane side street. He said, "You know we're doing 85 in a 30mph zone." And I replied, "I figured that out a few miles back!"
Deputy Blackwelder was the perfect person to ride with for my research. He not only is the handler for Lannes, but he trains all the other dogs and handlers with the Sheriff's Dept. He's ex-military and while deployed worked with an explosives sniffing dog. If you think I'm painting him to be a real 'badass' it's because he really is. He's like the "dog whisperer" of Aiken County. He took time to answer all my questions and explain everything that happened on our ride along. So when I had a few more questions, I arranged another ride along with him on the midnight shift.
So rather than barricading myself indoors away from all the rain and winds we got from the hurricane last Friday night, I was on another ride along. It was a bit of a slow night because most people were holed up in their houses off the road. We did have one interesting call. A stolen car was spotted and a high speed pursuit was initiated by other deputies as we finished up the call we were on. Then it was blue lights and siren to get Lannes on scene for when they baled out of their car. Deputy Blackwelder said, "We're CODE 3 in a hurricane". The hurricane barely slowed us down since the deputy is such a good driver after all he is a defensive driving instructor at the Police Academy. The rain was pouring almost going sideways from all the wind and to the scene we went. I never worried for a minute. Like I said, he's pretty much a badass!
I ended my ride along about 1:30am and then had to brave the elements to drive home but I didn't mind a little hurricane weather. These ride alongs were not only essential to my research, but they were a lot of fun. A big thank you to Lannes, Deputy Blackwelder, and Sheriff Michael Hunt. I couldn't write my book without all of their assistance. And if you've got drugs moving through Aiken County, you might have occasion to meet the Badass and Lannes.
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
JUST A VESSEL
Just to recap, I recently posted the story of a man who has cancer and there's nothing more anyone could do. (**SEE MR TOMMY'S STORY). I went to help care for his dogs and while I was there I felt led to thank him and his wife for allowing me to help out because it is through helping others that I can allowed God's love to show through me. Mr. Tommy replied, "you should know I'm not a Christian". Normally I may have dropped the conversation right there, but the Holy Spirit took over and I shared my testimony of God having healed me.
I drove home crying and praying out loud to God asking for Mr. Tommy to be healed and that he should come to know Jesus. Many of you responded to a FB post asking for prayer. Well, the prayers worked. Today, I got an email that Mr. Tommy had asked Jesus into his heart and had asked him for forgiveness. I shed tears of joy and prayed prayers of thanksgiving upon hearing of this. So, my message in this post is that our prayers have been answered. However, there's something else.
I'm not the type to go into conversations about religion at every turn, but I don't hide my faith either. I was led to share my story by divine inspiration. The fact is that as Christians we must always act as if someone were watching because they are. You may never know the lives you can touch on any given day and that influence can be positive or negative. I didn't go to see Mr. Tommy in order to change his heart. I didn't know his heart, but God did and he used me as a vessel to show (not just tell) how powerful God is and can be.
I take no credit for the change in Mr Tommy. Perhaps something I shared helped bring him to believe but just as a vessel can't take credit for how pure the water is, neither can I take credit. How often have I felt this tug on my heart that a stranger needs a kind hello or needs to get ahead of me in the grocery line. I'm sorry to say that I haven't always heeded these messages. I have asked God many times why he healed me, what was left for me to do here on earth. The fact is I may not know until I see Jesus face to face exactly what my true purpose was. But I have learned my lesson. When God says be a prayer warrior, I'll stop what I'm doing and I will pray. When the Holy Spirit nudges me to tell my testimony I'd better do it no matter if I know the person or not.
I'm not perfect. I struggle with questions some days and all I can do is pray for discernment. I now fully understand that God has a plan for all of us and we may influence others positively or negatively depending upon our actions and our words. We should all pray each day that God use us for his glory. We should graciously become a vessel for God's love.
God Bless
I drove home crying and praying out loud to God asking for Mr. Tommy to be healed and that he should come to know Jesus. Many of you responded to a FB post asking for prayer. Well, the prayers worked. Today, I got an email that Mr. Tommy had asked Jesus into his heart and had asked him for forgiveness. I shed tears of joy and prayed prayers of thanksgiving upon hearing of this. So, my message in this post is that our prayers have been answered. However, there's something else.
I'm not the type to go into conversations about religion at every turn, but I don't hide my faith either. I was led to share my story by divine inspiration. The fact is that as Christians we must always act as if someone were watching because they are. You may never know the lives you can touch on any given day and that influence can be positive or negative. I didn't go to see Mr. Tommy in order to change his heart. I didn't know his heart, but God did and he used me as a vessel to show (not just tell) how powerful God is and can be.
I take no credit for the change in Mr Tommy. Perhaps something I shared helped bring him to believe but just as a vessel can't take credit for how pure the water is, neither can I take credit. How often have I felt this tug on my heart that a stranger needs a kind hello or needs to get ahead of me in the grocery line. I'm sorry to say that I haven't always heeded these messages. I have asked God many times why he healed me, what was left for me to do here on earth. The fact is I may not know until I see Jesus face to face exactly what my true purpose was. But I have learned my lesson. When God says be a prayer warrior, I'll stop what I'm doing and I will pray. When the Holy Spirit nudges me to tell my testimony I'd better do it no matter if I know the person or not.
I'm not perfect. I struggle with questions some days and all I can do is pray for discernment. I now fully understand that God has a plan for all of us and we may influence others positively or negatively depending upon our actions and our words. We should all pray each day that God use us for his glory. We should graciously become a vessel for God's love.
God Bless
Thursday, September 29, 2016
SCHOOL SHOOTING IN SOUTH CAROLINA
As I'm sure many of you saw on the news and all over social media, there was a school shooting incident in South Carolina yesterday. It happened in a little farm town near Anderson and Clemson University. A 14yr old boy who was himself homeschooled killed his father in his home. He then continued to the nearby Elementary school where his mother was a teacher. He approached the playground out back where the students were having recess. He fired shots and struck his mother and two six year old children. Luckily, an off duty 30 year veteran firefighter happened to witness then and proceeded to tackle and apprehend the teen with no further injuries by stopping him from firing at anymore students and keeping from entering the school. He is a real hero and saved many lives with his heroism.
I watched a live news feed on FB while police investigated the crime scene with reporters giving frequent updates. below the feed comments were being posted from all over the world. Most were joining in the call for prayer that God would watch over the wounded. The thing that I got most upset about were posts from people making 'reverse racism' remarks. One stated, "Just more stupid white people doing stupid stuff". Another said, "if the shooter were white he wouldn't have gotten arrested, he would have been shot by some white cop". And then there was one who said, "blacks don't shoot at schools". This was the tragic shooting where innocent little children were hurt so what did race have to do with it? I certainly would not get away with saying the same things about blacks or Al Sharpton would be on my lawn doing a press conference. There is no place or time when these racist remarks should be tolerated but especially not when little children were hurt.
School shootings have increased since the Columbine and Virginia Tech incidents and after all this time no one has come up with a way to prevent them in the future. A metal detector at doorways is a good tool, but wouldn't have helped here because he was on the playground. We can't, as some people suggested yesterday, arm all teachers with guns. Usually, the guns the shooters use are from their own homes. I don't suggest making guns illegal because criminals would just buy them illegally. Parents need to not only keep their guns in locked safes or gun cabinets but they need to not let their children even know they own a gun or hide where the gun(s) are kept. This is a protective measure we employ in our house but for a different reason. My father is an ex-cop who has a concealed weapon permit but I have no idea where he keeps the gun. No, I'm not a child or a danger to myself or others, at least not consciously. You see, I sleepwalk and I have done some very strange things while asleep. One night about a year ago, I had a serious sleepwalking episode. I closed a gate we use to keep the dogs from going out the front door, I turned off our security alarm and was headed out the front door with my car keys in hand wearing only a nightgown. My mother heard the alarm being turned off and came quickly to stop me from leaving. She asked what I was doing at 3am. I told her I was late for school. She told me it was the middle of the night and so I said OK and went to bed. Since then I leave my keys in her room at night as a safety precaution.
People do have the right to own guns for their own protection but there's no need for a kid to even know about the presence of a gun in the home. Also, it's easier to get a gun than to get a driver's license. At least to drive you have to prove you know how before the DMV says have at it. Gun owners should have to be trained to use the weapon and the police should be able to do drop by spot checks of licensed gun owners to make them prove the weapon is secured and not accessible to children who live or just visit the home. To me that makes more sense than arming every teacher in America.
We also should prosecute the parents of school shooters if the parent's gun was used. It is their responsibility to make sure their guns don't end up in a kid's hands. We also should require certification training required of school guidance counselors that would familiarize them on warning signs to look for in the students they counsel. I hate to say it but to me school shootings are a symptom of the breakdown of moral fiber in this country and the lack of good family values in God centered homes.
As a country, we need to get pro-active on school violence instead of just re-active like we are now. For now all I can do is share my ideas here and hopefully spark some sort of intelligent discussion of how to solve this problem hopefully before it happens again. There is one more thing I can do and that is pray. I pray for all the children traumatized by yesterday's shooting and I pray for our country that maybe it's not too late for us to put God first in this country. Until we do that, evil stands a chance to prevail.
God Bless
I watched a live news feed on FB while police investigated the crime scene with reporters giving frequent updates. below the feed comments were being posted from all over the world. Most were joining in the call for prayer that God would watch over the wounded. The thing that I got most upset about were posts from people making 'reverse racism' remarks. One stated, "Just more stupid white people doing stupid stuff". Another said, "if the shooter were white he wouldn't have gotten arrested, he would have been shot by some white cop". And then there was one who said, "blacks don't shoot at schools". This was the tragic shooting where innocent little children were hurt so what did race have to do with it? I certainly would not get away with saying the same things about blacks or Al Sharpton would be on my lawn doing a press conference. There is no place or time when these racist remarks should be tolerated but especially not when little children were hurt.
School shootings have increased since the Columbine and Virginia Tech incidents and after all this time no one has come up with a way to prevent them in the future. A metal detector at doorways is a good tool, but wouldn't have helped here because he was on the playground. We can't, as some people suggested yesterday, arm all teachers with guns. Usually, the guns the shooters use are from their own homes. I don't suggest making guns illegal because criminals would just buy them illegally. Parents need to not only keep their guns in locked safes or gun cabinets but they need to not let their children even know they own a gun or hide where the gun(s) are kept. This is a protective measure we employ in our house but for a different reason. My father is an ex-cop who has a concealed weapon permit but I have no idea where he keeps the gun. No, I'm not a child or a danger to myself or others, at least not consciously. You see, I sleepwalk and I have done some very strange things while asleep. One night about a year ago, I had a serious sleepwalking episode. I closed a gate we use to keep the dogs from going out the front door, I turned off our security alarm and was headed out the front door with my car keys in hand wearing only a nightgown. My mother heard the alarm being turned off and came quickly to stop me from leaving. She asked what I was doing at 3am. I told her I was late for school. She told me it was the middle of the night and so I said OK and went to bed. Since then I leave my keys in her room at night as a safety precaution.
People do have the right to own guns for their own protection but there's no need for a kid to even know about the presence of a gun in the home. Also, it's easier to get a gun than to get a driver's license. At least to drive you have to prove you know how before the DMV says have at it. Gun owners should have to be trained to use the weapon and the police should be able to do drop by spot checks of licensed gun owners to make them prove the weapon is secured and not accessible to children who live or just visit the home. To me that makes more sense than arming every teacher in America.
We also should prosecute the parents of school shooters if the parent's gun was used. It is their responsibility to make sure their guns don't end up in a kid's hands. We also should require certification training required of school guidance counselors that would familiarize them on warning signs to look for in the students they counsel. I hate to say it but to me school shootings are a symptom of the breakdown of moral fiber in this country and the lack of good family values in God centered homes.
As a country, we need to get pro-active on school violence instead of just re-active like we are now. For now all I can do is share my ideas here and hopefully spark some sort of intelligent discussion of how to solve this problem hopefully before it happens again. There is one more thing I can do and that is pray. I pray for all the children traumatized by yesterday's shooting and I pray for our country that maybe it's not too late for us to put God first in this country. Until we do that, evil stands a chance to prevail.
God Bless
Sunday, September 25, 2016
ALMOST FATAL
I was very abruptly confronted face to face with my own mortality this morning. I had to go out early to feed dogs I was dog sitting. As I drove away from their house, I had a feeling (no it was a message to my heart) and it said you need to pray. So I sat for a minute, turned off the radio and began to talk to God. He's used to me talking to him from the car, by the way. I thanked God for the beautiful day and then said, "I don't know why, Lord but I need for you to watch over me and help me arrive home safe".
I was only a 10 minute drive from home so this feeling of needing to pray surprised me. I understood the why only 5 minutes into my drive home. I was going 40 - 45 MPH within the speed limit and no cars in front of me. In the oncoming lane, a car was holding up traffic to turn left into a church parking lot. As I got closer, maybe five car lengths away, the little old lady driving that turning car turned right in front of me. Now, I drive a large SUV so I'm not exactly hard to see coming.
I reacted on pure instinct, going back to defensive driving techniques my dad taught me when he was a cop. I slammed my Anti-lock brakes started to skid and cut the steering wheel hard to the left hand lane. Miraculously, the car jolted to a stop only inches from the other car's passenger door as the driver continued her very slow turn in front of me. My SUV was almost completely sideways from my cutting the wheel so sharp. Thank God my Ford Escape is a heavy vehicle or else I could have flipped it on its side.
I've heard of people in accidents having their lives flash before their eyes, but mine didn't. My daughter's life (her future marriage, her children and husband, her career) is what flashed because I knew I'd probably never see that. I also in a moment thought, "When is the last time I told my parents and my sister and daughter how much they mean to me?" I was shaking as I drove the rest of the way home praising God the whole way for saving me from the crash.
I get those feelings of needing to pray quite often. If I can, I stop what I'm doing and pray to God for
whatever his angels have put on my heart. I'm not crazy, delusional, or otherwise a nut case. I believe God sends his angels as messengers to speak to our soul. No matter what rationalizations non-believers may argue to me, I know something supernatural, not of this world kept me from harm's way this morning.
God Bless and please leave comments or click to follow future posts.
I was only a 10 minute drive from home so this feeling of needing to pray surprised me. I understood the why only 5 minutes into my drive home. I was going 40 - 45 MPH within the speed limit and no cars in front of me. In the oncoming lane, a car was holding up traffic to turn left into a church parking lot. As I got closer, maybe five car lengths away, the little old lady driving that turning car turned right in front of me. Now, I drive a large SUV so I'm not exactly hard to see coming.
I reacted on pure instinct, going back to defensive driving techniques my dad taught me when he was a cop. I slammed my Anti-lock brakes started to skid and cut the steering wheel hard to the left hand lane. Miraculously, the car jolted to a stop only inches from the other car's passenger door as the driver continued her very slow turn in front of me. My SUV was almost completely sideways from my cutting the wheel so sharp. Thank God my Ford Escape is a heavy vehicle or else I could have flipped it on its side.
I've heard of people in accidents having their lives flash before their eyes, but mine didn't. My daughter's life (her future marriage, her children and husband, her career) is what flashed because I knew I'd probably never see that. I also in a moment thought, "When is the last time I told my parents and my sister and daughter how much they mean to me?" I was shaking as I drove the rest of the way home praising God the whole way for saving me from the crash.
I get those feelings of needing to pray quite often. If I can, I stop what I'm doing and pray to God for
whatever his angels have put on my heart. I'm not crazy, delusional, or otherwise a nut case. I believe God sends his angels as messengers to speak to our soul. No matter what rationalizations non-believers may argue to me, I know something supernatural, not of this world kept me from harm's way this morning.
God Bless and please leave comments or click to follow future posts.
Saturday, September 17, 2016
ONE RED BIRD
“Give me that! Everybody comes in here wanting to get rid of all my stuff,” Grandma said as she snatched a two year outdated Medicare information book from my hands and proceeded to throw it at my head with as much might as her 91 year old body could muster.
I deflected the blow with a quick wrist but nothing could mend the stab to my heart. This wasn’t my Grandma that I’d loved and cherished for over forty years. I started sobbing as my mom came over to embrace me. I said, “Mom, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I did.”
“Baby,” Mom said, “you didn’t do anything. You just haven’t been here. You haven’t seen how bad she’s gotten.”
“I .. just…..” I stammered through tears, “.. want .. to . leave.”
“Honey,” Mom said, “She’s not the same since the dementia started. “It just keeps getting worse. We’re leaving soon. You just stay out here by the car and calm down. And stop crying sugar. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
On the twenty minute ride home, I replayed the episode over and over. I thought of her frequent complaints that her oldest son, and his son, (her grandson) were always yelling at her like a child and stealing her belongings to throw them away, could possibly not be the whole truth. In fact, my cousin being a confirmed bachelor had moved into her spare bedroom to help take care of her several years before.
I had spent the last eleven years living out of state over a thousand miles away with my daughter and husband and my last visit had been 4 years before. My Mom had relayed Grandma’s progressive loss of memory (particularly short term) during our phone chats, but I had no idea how serious and rapidly her condition was spiraling down. After my divorced in 2011, I moved back to be near my family.
My parents and uncle are in charge of managing Grandma’s daily affairs. There was no way to avoid Grandma’s dementia. It had become a part of my life. Although I had a little experience with dementia, I didn’t realize that dementia can present differently depending on the person.
My Great-Uncle had dementia for many years and it was of a very rapid progression. When I saw him on the last family visit, it broke my heart. His dementia seemed to have trapped this sweet 80 year old man’s body with the mind of a 4 year old. He had difficulty communicating, but when he did it was with a sweetness and innocence to what he said. I’ll never forget the struggling frustration in his eyes as he searched his mind for the exact words. But no matter how long the right string of words just wouldn’t come remaining elusive and just beyond his reach. Angry outbursts were very rare and usually at home directed at his wife. Unfortunately, we lost this wonderful man in November of 2011.
Grandma came to visit after the book throwing incident. It was obvious that Mom had mentioned what she did. Grandma settled on the couch and said, “Come here, darling. I need to talk to you.”
Her eyes were red and tiny tears tipped over the bottom lid begin maneuvering the ever slow luge-like tracks of her wrinkled face. “What’s wrong Grandma?”
“I know I hurt your feelings. But I can’t for the life of me remember what I did.”
“Grandma,” I said as I wrapped her tiny, skeleton-like hand in mine, “That’s completely in the past. I forgive you.”
Grandma continued speaking through silent tears and said. “I love you so much. You are the last person I’d ever want to hurt.”
“It’s OK, Grandma. I love you.”
I thought back to a day when Grandma screamed at the top of her voice and swung her cane at my mother. Were all these incidents all caused be the dementia, or could it be frustration with her limitations? Either way it’s the family members who must adjust.
I decided then and there that the cause didn’t matter. This was not the Grandma I’d known and loved my whole life. All I could do was love her as she was at this moment. Only God knew how much longer we would have her with us. On a daily basis it was the family that must be flexible and adjust because the disease has taken away the ability to change and/or understand. Dementia, no matter what kind or how mild or severe, it is indeed a body snatcher.
I leaned over and lightly kissed her tear stained cheek and embraced her fragile frame. “Grandma, I love you and you love me. That’s all that matters at the end of the day.”
Five years later, her refusal to cooperate with us about eating and hygiene among other things made dealing with Grandma's tantrums extremely difficult. One day a few months ago, she was staying with us for the weekend because her grandson had to go out of town. Every day, several times a day she would complain that she wanted to go home. We tried to explain that she was incapable of staying alone and she would then pout and refuse to speak to us. I admit on a couple of occasions, I lost my temper and would yell and explain and do everything short of shaking sense into her. I felt bad that I lost my cool but when I apologized to her, she had no memory of what I was talking about.
Grandma died just a few weeks before her 95th birthday. She was survived by two sons: my father, and my his older brother. Their younger brother passed away 11 years before. Unfortunately, truth be told some of the family descended like vultures on Grandma's house immediately after the post funeral dinner thrown by the ladies of my Grandma's church. My dad told them that no-one was going through her house that day. We decided everyone could come and stake their claim on any furniture, pictures, and bric-a-brac (which Grandma had in the form of porcelain birds) the following Saturday. She probably had a couple hundred birds on shelves through out the house. There were some sentimental things but nothing of incredible value.
So the following Saturday was the set clean up day. I didn't go for two reasons. One, I was still recovering from a hospital stay and Grandma's house had no air conditioning. Second, I find it distasteful to go through my Grandma's things and bring home things I had no room to display. My dad went to oversee the clean up and took my daughter with him.
When they got home, my daughter told me, "Mom I know you said you didn't want anything, but I brought this bird for you in case you change your mind."
I started to cry because it was a red bird, which were Grandma's favorite birds. Every time all my life if I saw a red bird I'd think of Grandma and then I'd make a wish. The old wives tale is that if you make your wish before he flies away it will come true. I put the little red bird on a shelf by my bed. I'm so thankful that my daughter didn't listen to me but rather knew once my grief had subsided a bit I might regret not having something to remember Grandma.
I loved my Grandma, and I'll always miss her. She lived a long healthy life nearly 95 years. She led a good life and I know she's finally reunited with my Grandpa who died almost 50 years before her; I hope she knew how much I loved her. I find myself talking to her whenever I see her bird. I'll always cherish that one red bird.
I deflected the blow with a quick wrist but nothing could mend the stab to my heart. This wasn’t my Grandma that I’d loved and cherished for over forty years. I started sobbing as my mom came over to embrace me. I said, “Mom, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I did.”
“Baby,” Mom said, “you didn’t do anything. You just haven’t been here. You haven’t seen how bad she’s gotten.”
“I .. just…..” I stammered through tears, “.. want .. to . leave.”
“Honey,” Mom said, “She’s not the same since the dementia started. “It just keeps getting worse. We’re leaving soon. You just stay out here by the car and calm down. And stop crying sugar. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
On the twenty minute ride home, I replayed the episode over and over. I thought of her frequent complaints that her oldest son, and his son, (her grandson) were always yelling at her like a child and stealing her belongings to throw them away, could possibly not be the whole truth. In fact, my cousin being a confirmed bachelor had moved into her spare bedroom to help take care of her several years before.
I had spent the last eleven years living out of state over a thousand miles away with my daughter and husband and my last visit had been 4 years before. My Mom had relayed Grandma’s progressive loss of memory (particularly short term) during our phone chats, but I had no idea how serious and rapidly her condition was spiraling down. After my divorced in 2011, I moved back to be near my family.
My parents and uncle are in charge of managing Grandma’s daily affairs. There was no way to avoid Grandma’s dementia. It had become a part of my life. Although I had a little experience with dementia, I didn’t realize that dementia can present differently depending on the person.
My Great-Uncle had dementia for many years and it was of a very rapid progression. When I saw him on the last family visit, it broke my heart. His dementia seemed to have trapped this sweet 80 year old man’s body with the mind of a 4 year old. He had difficulty communicating, but when he did it was with a sweetness and innocence to what he said. I’ll never forget the struggling frustration in his eyes as he searched his mind for the exact words. But no matter how long the right string of words just wouldn’t come remaining elusive and just beyond his reach. Angry outbursts were very rare and usually at home directed at his wife. Unfortunately, we lost this wonderful man in November of 2011.
Grandma came to visit after the book throwing incident. It was obvious that Mom had mentioned what she did. Grandma settled on the couch and said, “Come here, darling. I need to talk to you.”
Her eyes were red and tiny tears tipped over the bottom lid begin maneuvering the ever slow luge-like tracks of her wrinkled face. “What’s wrong Grandma?”
“I know I hurt your feelings. But I can’t for the life of me remember what I did.”
“Grandma,” I said as I wrapped her tiny, skeleton-like hand in mine, “That’s completely in the past. I forgive you.”
Grandma continued speaking through silent tears and said. “I love you so much. You are the last person I’d ever want to hurt.”
“It’s OK, Grandma. I love you.”
I thought back to a day when Grandma screamed at the top of her voice and swung her cane at my mother. Were all these incidents all caused be the dementia, or could it be frustration with her limitations? Either way it’s the family members who must adjust.
I decided then and there that the cause didn’t matter. This was not the Grandma I’d known and loved my whole life. All I could do was love her as she was at this moment. Only God knew how much longer we would have her with us. On a daily basis it was the family that must be flexible and adjust because the disease has taken away the ability to change and/or understand. Dementia, no matter what kind or how mild or severe, it is indeed a body snatcher.
I leaned over and lightly kissed her tear stained cheek and embraced her fragile frame. “Grandma, I love you and you love me. That’s all that matters at the end of the day.”
Five years later, her refusal to cooperate with us about eating and hygiene among other things made dealing with Grandma's tantrums extremely difficult. One day a few months ago, she was staying with us for the weekend because her grandson had to go out of town. Every day, several times a day she would complain that she wanted to go home. We tried to explain that she was incapable of staying alone and she would then pout and refuse to speak to us. I admit on a couple of occasions, I lost my temper and would yell and explain and do everything short of shaking sense into her. I felt bad that I lost my cool but when I apologized to her, she had no memory of what I was talking about.
Grandma died just a few weeks before her 95th birthday. She was survived by two sons: my father, and my his older brother. Their younger brother passed away 11 years before. Unfortunately, truth be told some of the family descended like vultures on Grandma's house immediately after the post funeral dinner thrown by the ladies of my Grandma's church. My dad told them that no-one was going through her house that day. We decided everyone could come and stake their claim on any furniture, pictures, and bric-a-brac (which Grandma had in the form of porcelain birds) the following Saturday. She probably had a couple hundred birds on shelves through out the house. There were some sentimental things but nothing of incredible value.
So the following Saturday was the set clean up day. I didn't go for two reasons. One, I was still recovering from a hospital stay and Grandma's house had no air conditioning. Second, I find it distasteful to go through my Grandma's things and bring home things I had no room to display. My dad went to oversee the clean up and took my daughter with him.
When they got home, my daughter told me, "Mom I know you said you didn't want anything, but I brought this bird for you in case you change your mind."
I started to cry because it was a red bird, which were Grandma's favorite birds. Every time all my life if I saw a red bird I'd think of Grandma and then I'd make a wish. The old wives tale is that if you make your wish before he flies away it will come true. I put the little red bird on a shelf by my bed. I'm so thankful that my daughter didn't listen to me but rather knew once my grief had subsided a bit I might regret not having something to remember Grandma.
I loved my Grandma, and I'll always miss her. She lived a long healthy life nearly 95 years. She led a good life and I know she's finally reunited with my Grandpa who died almost 50 years before her; I hope she knew how much I loved her. I find myself talking to her whenever I see her bird. I'll always cherish that one red bird.
Friday, September 9, 2016
Mr. Tommy's Story
Yesterday, I sat with a family friend named Mr. Tommy while his wife went to talk to his doctors. You see, Mr. Tommy was diagnosed with cancer many years ago. He had surgery to remove the cancer in his mouth and he was left unable to speak. We met Mr. Tommy at the hospital. This kind man volunteered with the Aiken Regional Hospital even with his disability. Incredibly, he volunteered working on the lobby information desk. He would write notes to answer questions and would accompany lost visitors to where they needed to go. In April he was given an award from the ARMC for excellence in communication and customer service.
He was fortunate that the cancer went into remission for a while, but now the cancer is back and the chemotherapy has been so hard on him physically he recently decided to stop the treatment. He's now on home hospice care. Mr. Tommy's wife called my mom about finding a young person to come on a regular basis and play with their six dogs because they are no longer able to go out and exercise the dogs. My mother is the coordinator of the Junior Auxiliary Hospital volunteers at Aiken Regional Hospital so she knows quite a few college students who could help.
It touched me so that I told mom I wanted to go play with the dogs, but I was having an attack of my pancreatitis and was hardly able to get out of bed, much less play with the dogs. But then a week later, after mom had found no one and I was feeling better, I called and asked Mr. Tommy's wife when they might need me. She told me about the doctor's appt. scheduled for Thursday and I told her I would be there to play with the dogs and help out with Mr. Tommy if needed.
Mr. Tommy was sleeping for the first hour I was there with the dogs. When he woke up, he came out to 'talk' to me with his note pad. I asked him if he was feeling any better and he wrote "I want to die". Reading that absolutely broke my heart. What's worse is the guilt I felt because I have been so sick pretty recently that I said I wanted to die. Now I realize how painful it is to hear someone say that so I made a vow to try to never say I wish to die ever again.
When his wife got home, they thanked me for taking the time to come help out and I told them, "I consider this a ministry. If I'm able to help others then I'm letting God's love show through my actions".
Mr. Tommy got his pad and wrote, "You should know, I'm not a Christian".
I replied, "that's OK Mr. Tommy. I can still pray for you, right? It can't hurt". He nodded yes. I then went on to share my testimony of being healed by God in 2013. I was in a coma and the doctors did not expect me to wake up or if I did wake up I would be a vegetable. They asked my family to sign a DNR (do not resuscitate order". My parents said no that as long as there was a God in heaven then there was hope i could be healed. I coded about 5 minutes later and they worked with me for over an hour and brought me back, but I was still in the coma for two weeks then I just woke up one day.
I told Mr. Tommy that the doctors at the hospital even told me that it was a miracle from God that I recovered. My MRI had shown necrosis (dead areas) on the corpus colosseum in my brain and they knew that dead brain cells usually can't be reversed, but mine did. I wasn't trying to preach to Mr. Tommy but I felt I had to say something to give him some hope and God was leading me in my heart of what to say.
I cried and prayed out loud all the way home. I then posted a request for prayer for Mr. Tommy on FaceBook. Many of you responded and I'm so thankful for all the prayers that have been going up for him. He has been such an inspiration to so many people that someone who can't even speak or eat food and has a feeding tube would take up his time by volunteering at the hospital to help others. So, let's keep this prayer chain going up for Mr. Tommy that he might regain to will to fight this battle and also that maybe he will come to know Jesus before it's too late. Thank you all for your prayers.
He was fortunate that the cancer went into remission for a while, but now the cancer is back and the chemotherapy has been so hard on him physically he recently decided to stop the treatment. He's now on home hospice care. Mr. Tommy's wife called my mom about finding a young person to come on a regular basis and play with their six dogs because they are no longer able to go out and exercise the dogs. My mother is the coordinator of the Junior Auxiliary Hospital volunteers at Aiken Regional Hospital so she knows quite a few college students who could help.
It touched me so that I told mom I wanted to go play with the dogs, but I was having an attack of my pancreatitis and was hardly able to get out of bed, much less play with the dogs. But then a week later, after mom had found no one and I was feeling better, I called and asked Mr. Tommy's wife when they might need me. She told me about the doctor's appt. scheduled for Thursday and I told her I would be there to play with the dogs and help out with Mr. Tommy if needed.
Mr. Tommy was sleeping for the first hour I was there with the dogs. When he woke up, he came out to 'talk' to me with his note pad. I asked him if he was feeling any better and he wrote "I want to die". Reading that absolutely broke my heart. What's worse is the guilt I felt because I have been so sick pretty recently that I said I wanted to die. Now I realize how painful it is to hear someone say that so I made a vow to try to never say I wish to die ever again.
When his wife got home, they thanked me for taking the time to come help out and I told them, "I consider this a ministry. If I'm able to help others then I'm letting God's love show through my actions".
Mr. Tommy got his pad and wrote, "You should know, I'm not a Christian".
I replied, "that's OK Mr. Tommy. I can still pray for you, right? It can't hurt". He nodded yes. I then went on to share my testimony of being healed by God in 2013. I was in a coma and the doctors did not expect me to wake up or if I did wake up I would be a vegetable. They asked my family to sign a DNR (do not resuscitate order". My parents said no that as long as there was a God in heaven then there was hope i could be healed. I coded about 5 minutes later and they worked with me for over an hour and brought me back, but I was still in the coma for two weeks then I just woke up one day.
I told Mr. Tommy that the doctors at the hospital even told me that it was a miracle from God that I recovered. My MRI had shown necrosis (dead areas) on the corpus colosseum in my brain and they knew that dead brain cells usually can't be reversed, but mine did. I wasn't trying to preach to Mr. Tommy but I felt I had to say something to give him some hope and God was leading me in my heart of what to say.
I cried and prayed out loud all the way home. I then posted a request for prayer for Mr. Tommy on FaceBook. Many of you responded and I'm so thankful for all the prayers that have been going up for him. He has been such an inspiration to so many people that someone who can't even speak or eat food and has a feeding tube would take up his time by volunteering at the hospital to help others. So, let's keep this prayer chain going up for Mr. Tommy that he might regain to will to fight this battle and also that maybe he will come to know Jesus before it's too late. Thank you all for your prayers.
Sunday, September 4, 2016
DATING OUTSIDE OF YOUR FAITH
Twenty years + ago, I didn't think about not dating outside of my faith. Granted I was not living my life with Christ at the center. I thought it didn't matter if I dated someone who was of a different religion or even if they were non-believers. I actually married a man who was an atheist. I had been raised in the Baptist church. Church twice on Sunday and prayer meetings on Wednesdays. I was active in the youth group, but as often happens, during college my church attendance was non-existent and my leading a Christian lifestyle kind of fell by the wayside. I thought I could make it in the world all on my own.
So I did marry a non-believer and it didn't matter at first. Then, I became a mother. I began attending the Episcopal church and found it a much better fit for my beliefs than the strict Baptist upbringing I'd had when I was younger. I had my daughter baptized and she and I attended church regularly. My ex-husband didn't mind since I wasn't trying to convert him. It was hard for me as my faith grew, not to have a partner to share my beliefs with. Eventually, he felt it would be better for my daughter if we went to church as a family. The surprising thing is that after I left and my daughter was away in college, he continued to attend church on his own. Maybe God used me to reach a non-believer, but now I make it a rule to abide by what the Bible says about the subject. It tells us not to be "unequally yoked".
Recently, I met someone nice online. We talked for several weeks and eventually met for dinner. Two days later I realized that I couldn't remember what his profile said as far as religious preference. I went online and looked only to find that he listed himself as non-religious. I had to call him, hoping all the while it was a mistake. I really liked him. But I knew that it would not be fair to him or to myself if I kept seeing him. When I spoke with him he said that he was an agnostic.
That set off a Biblical debate. The same arg;aments I've heard my whole life when people try to argue science vs. religion. I'm not a religious scholar but I do study the Bible and pray for discernment that I understand the word as God would have me do. For his every point against Christianity I had a counter-point. What it all boiled down to was that I told him I have experienced God moving in my life and everything comes to a matter of faith. We agreed it best that we not continue seeing one another.
This may seem harsh and judgmental, but in reality I'm doing as God commanded. It's hard enough for a couple to stay together these days if you complicate things by marrying a non-believer the cards are stacked against you from the start. I want a companion and partner in my life who shares my faith who understands that I lean on God and pray for his guidance. So, now, one of the first things I ask when I meet someone new is what is their religious affiliation. I trust that God will bring to me the partner he has planned for me to meet. I have faith that he knows my needs greater than I even know. I will definitely not date a non-believer ever again.
So I did marry a non-believer and it didn't matter at first. Then, I became a mother. I began attending the Episcopal church and found it a much better fit for my beliefs than the strict Baptist upbringing I'd had when I was younger. I had my daughter baptized and she and I attended church regularly. My ex-husband didn't mind since I wasn't trying to convert him. It was hard for me as my faith grew, not to have a partner to share my beliefs with. Eventually, he felt it would be better for my daughter if we went to church as a family. The surprising thing is that after I left and my daughter was away in college, he continued to attend church on his own. Maybe God used me to reach a non-believer, but now I make it a rule to abide by what the Bible says about the subject. It tells us not to be "unequally yoked".
Recently, I met someone nice online. We talked for several weeks and eventually met for dinner. Two days later I realized that I couldn't remember what his profile said as far as religious preference. I went online and looked only to find that he listed himself as non-religious. I had to call him, hoping all the while it was a mistake. I really liked him. But I knew that it would not be fair to him or to myself if I kept seeing him. When I spoke with him he said that he was an agnostic.
That set off a Biblical debate. The same arg;aments I've heard my whole life when people try to argue science vs. religion. I'm not a religious scholar but I do study the Bible and pray for discernment that I understand the word as God would have me do. For his every point against Christianity I had a counter-point. What it all boiled down to was that I told him I have experienced God moving in my life and everything comes to a matter of faith. We agreed it best that we not continue seeing one another.
This may seem harsh and judgmental, but in reality I'm doing as God commanded. It's hard enough for a couple to stay together these days if you complicate things by marrying a non-believer the cards are stacked against you from the start. I want a companion and partner in my life who shares my faith who understands that I lean on God and pray for his guidance. So, now, one of the first things I ask when I meet someone new is what is their religious affiliation. I trust that God will bring to me the partner he has planned for me to meet. I have faith that he knows my needs greater than I even know. I will definitely not date a non-believer ever again.
Monday, August 29, 2016
RECENT CRIME IN TROLLEY RUN STATION
Trolley Run Station is a pretty new planned community in Aiken, SC. Development of this formerly heavily wooded area is still progressing in phases. Sitting off 118 far enough back into the woods you can't see the road there are new houses, town houses, and an apartment complex. It's a quiet community, one where in the past we might have been comfortable to leave the doors unlocked and go out and about unbothered. But we all new the days of open doors has long past, yet still until recently we felt safe in our homes and neighborhood.
When we were invited to download the community based app NEXT DOOR this feeling of community seemed to take me back to the days when all the neighbors knew and watched out for one another. The provided message boards for a variety of topics and as the number of neighborhood members grew we exchanged lots of information. Not just yard sales, but getting recommendations as to recommended vets or nail techs or many other services. When a neighbor's dog ran away, through NEXT DOOR we managed to organize a search party where we divided into teams and traipsed through the thick forest and underbrush calling out his name. We pulled together like neighbors should but don't anymore.
Our newest matter of contention discussed on the site is a criminal activity happening not just at night but during the day also. Two suspects have been spotted going up checking for unlocked car doors. If they find one they rummage through and steal the belongings from the cars. Several suspicious people have been spotted walking the streets with backpacks. The neighborhood all posted about when these events have happened trying to close ranks and figure out who is behind this. But burglary is not all they've been up to. A family not far from me had a brick thrown through their babies nursery window and found all of their patio furniture busted and thrown over the backyard privacy fence. This was a cowardly act of vandalism that just can't be tolerated. A man with a backpack came to another neighbor's door during the day and rang the bell. The daughter was home alone and thank God she looked out the peep hole first. She refused to open and he left walking down the road.
When these car plundering started a few months ago, Aiken Co. Sheriff's Dept. increased their patrols at night. Being the insomniac that I am I would hear their cars and see the spotlights they shined around the houses. I haven't seen them patrolling in a while and these even more serious events have been reported to them.
So what can we do. The communication that we have in place I'm sure will prove invaluable as long as the cops are willing to increase patrols and look for these suspicious types roaming our streets. We need to keep our security systems armed even while we are home alone possibly during the day. Keep an eye out for anyone who looks like they don't belong. If they are getting bold enough to do this during the day, who knows what they are capable of.
In 2008, while living in Kansas, I was a victim of a home invasion that took place at noon. I fought the attacker but ended up being stabbed. I had a lot of fear of being alone in my apartment for a long time. Now, with what's happening here, I'm beginning to feel uneasy coming home after dark, sitting in my backyard swing at night. I also hate being in the house alone.
Only by joining together as we have done will we see any hope of getting back our peace of mind. I look forward to meeting most all of you if you can come to the block party in September. I think we should all call Aiken County Sheriff's Office and demand to day and night shift ride through.
Thank you all for being such good neighbors. The kind that get stronger when facing adversity.
When we were invited to download the community based app NEXT DOOR this feeling of community seemed to take me back to the days when all the neighbors knew and watched out for one another. The provided message boards for a variety of topics and as the number of neighborhood members grew we exchanged lots of information. Not just yard sales, but getting recommendations as to recommended vets or nail techs or many other services. When a neighbor's dog ran away, through NEXT DOOR we managed to organize a search party where we divided into teams and traipsed through the thick forest and underbrush calling out his name. We pulled together like neighbors should but don't anymore.
Our newest matter of contention discussed on the site is a criminal activity happening not just at night but during the day also. Two suspects have been spotted going up checking for unlocked car doors. If they find one they rummage through and steal the belongings from the cars. Several suspicious people have been spotted walking the streets with backpacks. The neighborhood all posted about when these events have happened trying to close ranks and figure out who is behind this. But burglary is not all they've been up to. A family not far from me had a brick thrown through their babies nursery window and found all of their patio furniture busted and thrown over the backyard privacy fence. This was a cowardly act of vandalism that just can't be tolerated. A man with a backpack came to another neighbor's door during the day and rang the bell. The daughter was home alone and thank God she looked out the peep hole first. She refused to open and he left walking down the road.
When these car plundering started a few months ago, Aiken Co. Sheriff's Dept. increased their patrols at night. Being the insomniac that I am I would hear their cars and see the spotlights they shined around the houses. I haven't seen them patrolling in a while and these even more serious events have been reported to them.
So what can we do. The communication that we have in place I'm sure will prove invaluable as long as the cops are willing to increase patrols and look for these suspicious types roaming our streets. We need to keep our security systems armed even while we are home alone possibly during the day. Keep an eye out for anyone who looks like they don't belong. If they are getting bold enough to do this during the day, who knows what they are capable of.
In 2008, while living in Kansas, I was a victim of a home invasion that took place at noon. I fought the attacker but ended up being stabbed. I had a lot of fear of being alone in my apartment for a long time. Now, with what's happening here, I'm beginning to feel uneasy coming home after dark, sitting in my backyard swing at night. I also hate being in the house alone.
Only by joining together as we have done will we see any hope of getting back our peace of mind. I look forward to meeting most all of you if you can come to the block party in September. I think we should all call Aiken County Sheriff's Office and demand to day and night shift ride through.
Thank you all for being such good neighbors. The kind that get stronger when facing adversity.
Sunday, August 28, 2016
THE WAR ON TERROR
I received a BA in Latin American Studies from the University of Miami in 1990. My concentration was on paramilitary and terrorist groups. I went to work in Washington, DC after that working in counterterrorism. I got first hand experience with terrorism when I was an exchange student in Bogota, Colombia in 1988 during the height of the drug wars. Pablo Escobar and other cartel leaders were at the height of their power. Terrorist and para-military acts happened pretty much every day. Colombia was in a bloody drug war and it was hemorrhaging. It developed into a military state. Military squads would march through the streets stopping cars, checking buildings, and looking for potential terrorists by stopping pedestrians. They put them spread up to a wall and perform a search and then ask to see their government ID which had to be carried at all times. In doing these stops they definitely used racial profiling. People don't realize there was a racially based class system for a long time in Colombia. First were white, next were moreno (a little brown mixed), then Indios (indigenous population of Indians), and last came black Colombians. I learned the lessons of their profiling pretty quickly. If I were out on the street with white friends from school I was never stopped. It was a different story when I went out with my Colombian boyfriend who was moreno. Almost every day, we would be stopped. They weren't very concerned with me. I'm very fair skinned with blue eyes and blonde hair. With my command of the language, I was often mistaken for Argentinian. I offered them a copy of my passport for i.d. But my boyfriend was always searched for drugs and weapons.
I didn't mind the stops because I knew how prevalent and dangerous the terrorists and paramilitary groups were. I sacrificed some of the civil liberties I was accustomed to in exchange for feeling safe.
Terrorism has come to US soil. ISIS are just the newest bullies on the block. They show their abductions and beheadings as messages to America. We know some ISIS related incidents have already happened here. It's no longer some other country's problem. They are at our back door.
America is at a cross roads deciding how many rights we're willing to give up in order to stop ISIS. It's like how you used to leave your doors unlocked at night. You could sit outside after dark without worry. Those times are gone. Now we lock our doors, we have security systems, panic buttons and think twice before venturing out late at night. We've sacrificed freedoms to stay safe from crime. Americans need to accept that the time has come that some civil liberties will have to be infringed upon to keep our nation safe.
We are no longer able to accept all the world's tired and weary. We need to lockdown our borders and I'm sorry folks but we need to keep out muslims from countries where muslim insurgents are active. We need to investigate and possibly deport those already here who could be parts of a sleeper cell. I accept that homeland security moniters internet traffic, chat rooms, blogs, and even private emails and credit card transactions while looking for terrorists. I have nothing to hide. It's like everything in life. There's no black and white to the issues and sometimes trade offs have to be made.
I also think that boots on the ground, raids, and air attacks against the ISIS cells we can find has to be increased. These terrorists are not soldiers of a government military who follow codes of conduct or the Geneva convention. They are cowards for attacking the innocent and they will not stop unless we kill or imprison them all. As far as i know, they still have some room down in Guantanamo Bay. With possible insurgents who are already here, they should be guilty until proven innocent. How many 9/11s have to happen before we wake up stand up and use force here in the US to say no more, never again.
I hope our next president will be one who stomps ISIS and other groups out of existence by any means necessary.
I didn't mind the stops because I knew how prevalent and dangerous the terrorists and paramilitary groups were. I sacrificed some of the civil liberties I was accustomed to in exchange for feeling safe.
Terrorism has come to US soil. ISIS are just the newest bullies on the block. They show their abductions and beheadings as messages to America. We know some ISIS related incidents have already happened here. It's no longer some other country's problem. They are at our back door.
America is at a cross roads deciding how many rights we're willing to give up in order to stop ISIS. It's like how you used to leave your doors unlocked at night. You could sit outside after dark without worry. Those times are gone. Now we lock our doors, we have security systems, panic buttons and think twice before venturing out late at night. We've sacrificed freedoms to stay safe from crime. Americans need to accept that the time has come that some civil liberties will have to be infringed upon to keep our nation safe.
We are no longer able to accept all the world's tired and weary. We need to lockdown our borders and I'm sorry folks but we need to keep out muslims from countries where muslim insurgents are active. We need to investigate and possibly deport those already here who could be parts of a sleeper cell. I accept that homeland security moniters internet traffic, chat rooms, blogs, and even private emails and credit card transactions while looking for terrorists. I have nothing to hide. It's like everything in life. There's no black and white to the issues and sometimes trade offs have to be made.
I also think that boots on the ground, raids, and air attacks against the ISIS cells we can find has to be increased. These terrorists are not soldiers of a government military who follow codes of conduct or the Geneva convention. They are cowards for attacking the innocent and they will not stop unless we kill or imprison them all. As far as i know, they still have some room down in Guantanamo Bay. With possible insurgents who are already here, they should be guilty until proven innocent. How many 9/11s have to happen before we wake up stand up and use force here in the US to say no more, never again.
I hope our next president will be one who stomps ISIS and other groups out of existence by any means necessary.
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
NAKED MEN, WHY?
I am on social media but I don't post a status every hour where I am. First it's not safe and second it bores other people. My only problem is I keep getting random men contacting me on FB Messenger. T hey are not my friends on FB and I really don't know why they keep finding me. Usually by the time I ignore their request to chat they send another message. I open it only to find a picture of a naked man touching his privates. Why would anyone find that appropriate?
I don't like seeing any man totally naked. I feel mens privates are purely utilitarian, not to be admired. Give me a good ole boy peeling off his shirt after working in the fields all day well I'd be very interested in seeing that. Pants on of course. Now contrary to popular belief, I am not a prude endorsing chastity belts but I do thing dating and in particular online dating is in dire need of an infusion of class. Certain things should remain in the bedroom.
I've never been to see a male stripper. First of all most of them are too hot to be straight. Second, they probably have done porn at some time in the past which is pretty gross to think of, and lastly I've seen on tv how they rub the spectators faces against their crotch. I don't care how many g-strings he has on that's just disgusting.
Now here's the psychological aspect. In most cases men fall in love (or lust) from visual cues, hence all the XXX strip clubs. Women on the other hand, usually fall in love between their ears. They might initially be attracted to a hot guy but if he doesn't have anything to back it up personality wise, he might as well be a sex toy. But under no circumstances is it ok to send a naked picture to someone you don't know. It's crude and nauseating.
I really don't know why men are so obsessed with their penis. They want to measure them and compare them to their friends. They take pictures of them and share them with an uninterested world. I don't care what it looks like or how long it is, I don't know you. Are they jealous because a woman's breasts are somewhat on display every day. Would they prefer to run around in a banana hammock to let all the world admire what they adore so much? Believe me the amount of nausea medicine sold would increase by 150%. Get over yourself guys.
A final thought to any of you who want to continue to send these vulgar pictures, it's a waste of time. I'll automatically report you to FB as spam and I will block you. I only care to see one man naked but the Lord hasn't brought him into my life yet as my committed loving man. You'll get no good reaction from me. Keep your pants on, please
I don't like seeing any man totally naked. I feel mens privates are purely utilitarian, not to be admired. Give me a good ole boy peeling off his shirt after working in the fields all day well I'd be very interested in seeing that. Pants on of course. Now contrary to popular belief, I am not a prude endorsing chastity belts but I do thing dating and in particular online dating is in dire need of an infusion of class. Certain things should remain in the bedroom.
I've never been to see a male stripper. First of all most of them are too hot to be straight. Second, they probably have done porn at some time in the past which is pretty gross to think of, and lastly I've seen on tv how they rub the spectators faces against their crotch. I don't care how many g-strings he has on that's just disgusting.
Now here's the psychological aspect. In most cases men fall in love (or lust) from visual cues, hence all the XXX strip clubs. Women on the other hand, usually fall in love between their ears. They might initially be attracted to a hot guy but if he doesn't have anything to back it up personality wise, he might as well be a sex toy. But under no circumstances is it ok to send a naked picture to someone you don't know. It's crude and nauseating.
I really don't know why men are so obsessed with their penis. They want to measure them and compare them to their friends. They take pictures of them and share them with an uninterested world. I don't care what it looks like or how long it is, I don't know you. Are they jealous because a woman's breasts are somewhat on display every day. Would they prefer to run around in a banana hammock to let all the world admire what they adore so much? Believe me the amount of nausea medicine sold would increase by 150%. Get over yourself guys.
A final thought to any of you who want to continue to send these vulgar pictures, it's a waste of time. I'll automatically report you to FB as spam and I will block you. I only care to see one man naked but the Lord hasn't brought him into my life yet as my committed loving man. You'll get no good reaction from me. Keep your pants on, please
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
Be honest. We all have thoughts about the one who got away. It can be recent or it can be decades before but either way, you think about what might have been. It can happen even if you're in a satisfying relationship or if you're alone. There's just something about them that comes to mind. It's hard to admit that we want someone who no longer (or never did) wants you. I guarantee, no matter how happy you are in your life, every once in a while your mind wanders back in time and you grieve the lost relationship as if it were a dear friend. You don't understand why it had to happen and what you could have done differently. Sometimes there's nothing you could have changed because the problem was not yours to begin with but rather with the object of your desire.
My experience with this started over 20 years ago. There was a prominent professional man, who was ten years my senior, that I began dating. It only lasted for a few months and we were never intimate so our break-up was amicable. A few years later, I married and had a daughter. We moved from South Carolina to Kansas so I was cut off from family and friends rather abruptly. From the outside, we looked like Ken and Barbie with Skipper. On the inside things were not so perfect. I kept in touch mostly by email with my former love that I'll call Matthew. Whenever something big happened he was the first person I wanted to talk to. Don't get me wrong, I only felt friendship with Matthew because I was emotionally and physically faithful to my husband. But all that is another story.
Long story short. After 15 years of marriage I made the decision to divorce my husband. The first logical person to call after my mom was Matthew because he was an accomplished attorney. I knew I needed to return to South Carolina from Kansas. Matthew explained the statutes regarding divorce in South Carolina. Basically he told me that I either had to have a grievous cause (adultery, abuse, etc) that I could prove or I had to be separated for one year. As it turned out Kansas was a No fault divorce state where you didn't need cause or even be separated. I only had to file and the court date was 60 days later. Through all of this, Matthew was my support system. He knew the hell I'd lived in and he still cared enough about me to try and help. My ex actually went into my email and accused me of wanting to leave him for Matthew which was absurd since we hadn't seen one another in oner 15 years. But in his mind, I was moving back to my home to be with Matthew. I do admit that I often thought (mostly during bad times in my marriage) and wondered what would have been my reality had I stayed with Matthew.
After my divorce I did move back home. Matthew and I arranged to have dinner out soon after I moved back. Seeing him, hearing his voice as he spoke my name, the way he had a funny retort or story no matter the subject we were on. Everything felt right. I felt 22 years old again and I couldn't contain my feelings from leaking out. That's when Matthew told me he would remain a confirmed bachelor at 50+ years. We stayed friends and kept in touch, however I recognized that he was taking weekend trips to a city on the coast. Finally he told me about his "arrangement" with a friend with benefits down there. He told me that my emotions scared him, that he'd love to sleep with me but he couldn't risk me being hurt when he couldn't reciprocate my feelings for him.
To this day, we remain friends but with no benefits. I asked him to please not tell me when he was going to the coast because it was like a dagger to my heart. For a long time, I wondered what I did wrong. I wondered why he couldn't love me. Then I realized the issues were within him and not caused by me.
He's the one that got away, and I'll always have feelings for him in a small portion of my heart.
My experience with this started over 20 years ago. There was a prominent professional man, who was ten years my senior, that I began dating. It only lasted for a few months and we were never intimate so our break-up was amicable. A few years later, I married and had a daughter. We moved from South Carolina to Kansas so I was cut off from family and friends rather abruptly. From the outside, we looked like Ken and Barbie with Skipper. On the inside things were not so perfect. I kept in touch mostly by email with my former love that I'll call Matthew. Whenever something big happened he was the first person I wanted to talk to. Don't get me wrong, I only felt friendship with Matthew because I was emotionally and physically faithful to my husband. But all that is another story.
Long story short. After 15 years of marriage I made the decision to divorce my husband. The first logical person to call after my mom was Matthew because he was an accomplished attorney. I knew I needed to return to South Carolina from Kansas. Matthew explained the statutes regarding divorce in South Carolina. Basically he told me that I either had to have a grievous cause (adultery, abuse, etc) that I could prove or I had to be separated for one year. As it turned out Kansas was a No fault divorce state where you didn't need cause or even be separated. I only had to file and the court date was 60 days later. Through all of this, Matthew was my support system. He knew the hell I'd lived in and he still cared enough about me to try and help. My ex actually went into my email and accused me of wanting to leave him for Matthew which was absurd since we hadn't seen one another in oner 15 years. But in his mind, I was moving back to my home to be with Matthew. I do admit that I often thought (mostly during bad times in my marriage) and wondered what would have been my reality had I stayed with Matthew.
After my divorce I did move back home. Matthew and I arranged to have dinner out soon after I moved back. Seeing him, hearing his voice as he spoke my name, the way he had a funny retort or story no matter the subject we were on. Everything felt right. I felt 22 years old again and I couldn't contain my feelings from leaking out. That's when Matthew told me he would remain a confirmed bachelor at 50+ years. We stayed friends and kept in touch, however I recognized that he was taking weekend trips to a city on the coast. Finally he told me about his "arrangement" with a friend with benefits down there. He told me that my emotions scared him, that he'd love to sleep with me but he couldn't risk me being hurt when he couldn't reciprocate my feelings for him.
To this day, we remain friends but with no benefits. I asked him to please not tell me when he was going to the coast because it was like a dagger to my heart. For a long time, I wondered what I did wrong. I wondered why he couldn't love me. Then I realized the issues were within him and not caused by me.
He's the one that got away, and I'll always have feelings for him in a small portion of my heart.
Monday, August 22, 2016
DATING AFTER 40
I'm new to this blogging thing so bear with me. I have been single for five years now and I can truthfully say I'm completely over my ex-husband and my marriage. I'm grateful for that relationship because I have been blessed with my beautiful daughter. But she's off at college, spreading her little fluffy adult angel wings, so I think it's time I consider the possibility that time is running out for me to meet the man of my dreams. Oh hell, who am I kidding I'll settle for the man of my naps at this point. Am I desperate? No, but I am aware of my situation. The fact is at least in my town, there just aren't a great number of men appropriate to my age who are available. And I tried dating younger (20yrs younger) but being a cougar just didn't work for me.
I don't do the bar scene. I'd rather not gaze into the blurry red eyes over JagerBombs. Come on people, the days of getting trashed and hooking up isn't even a good idea for twenty year olds so once you hit 40, going to bars looks a bit pathetic. Who am I kidding, it's pretty pathetic at twenty to get sloppy drunk. Not a big fan of intoxicated individuals.
Now for my big reveal. I've tried online dating more than once. It's not the safest avenue to meet someone but everything has a little risk. But there are some really creepy people on the internet and they can appear totally normal man of your dreams perfect until about the third date. That seems to be a magic number for me. By the third date I start to peel away the exterior layers like an onion and spot the little red flags that scream, "Run away!! Now! Run". So far very few have passed the oh so important third date and it wasn't someone from the web.
I have a problem with honesty. I'm too honest too soon sometimes. I've made the fatal mistake of telling someone too many details from my marriage and it sends them running. Instead of appearing honest to a fault, I come across as 'crazy psycho bitch femanazi ex-wife". So of course they headed for the hills and I didn't make that mistake with anyone else.
I also have a problem with trust. I tend to try and believe that everyone are being totally honest and trustworthy when in fact their stories just don't add up. So that's where not only the third date phenomenon crops up but also My Mother. She can smell bs better than anyone I've ever seen. Yes, I still talk to my mom about my dates. After all, she is an unbiased spectator to what is going on in my life. And she's hardly ever wrong. It takes a really sneaky creepy guy to get past her.
With all that being said, I still am trying meeting online. Why? Because like all the Disney Princesses I have hope and I believe in romance, true love, and happily ever after. Without hope the world turns gray. It all comes down to believing in God's plan for me. He knows my prayers for him to bring a God-ly man into my life and he will answer in his time. I'm just not sure if he'll use the internet to do it. So remember this hopeless romantic in your prayers tonight. Can't hurt, right?
I don't do the bar scene. I'd rather not gaze into the blurry red eyes over JagerBombs. Come on people, the days of getting trashed and hooking up isn't even a good idea for twenty year olds so once you hit 40, going to bars looks a bit pathetic. Who am I kidding, it's pretty pathetic at twenty to get sloppy drunk. Not a big fan of intoxicated individuals.
Now for my big reveal. I've tried online dating more than once. It's not the safest avenue to meet someone but everything has a little risk. But there are some really creepy people on the internet and they can appear totally normal man of your dreams perfect until about the third date. That seems to be a magic number for me. By the third date I start to peel away the exterior layers like an onion and spot the little red flags that scream, "Run away!! Now! Run". So far very few have passed the oh so important third date and it wasn't someone from the web.
I have a problem with honesty. I'm too honest too soon sometimes. I've made the fatal mistake of telling someone too many details from my marriage and it sends them running. Instead of appearing honest to a fault, I come across as 'crazy psycho bitch femanazi ex-wife". So of course they headed for the hills and I didn't make that mistake with anyone else.
I also have a problem with trust. I tend to try and believe that everyone are being totally honest and trustworthy when in fact their stories just don't add up. So that's where not only the third date phenomenon crops up but also My Mother. She can smell bs better than anyone I've ever seen. Yes, I still talk to my mom about my dates. After all, she is an unbiased spectator to what is going on in my life. And she's hardly ever wrong. It takes a really sneaky creepy guy to get past her.
With all that being said, I still am trying meeting online. Why? Because like all the Disney Princesses I have hope and I believe in romance, true love, and happily ever after. Without hope the world turns gray. It all comes down to believing in God's plan for me. He knows my prayers for him to bring a God-ly man into my life and he will answer in his time. I'm just not sure if he'll use the internet to do it. So remember this hopeless romantic in your prayers tonight. Can't hurt, right?
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