I have been blessed (or at times cursed!!) with three wonderful fur-babies. The first is the Grandpa of the group, Bandit who was my parents dog when I moved in. Then three years ago adopted a rescue dog that I thought was a Chihuahua, named Harry. After he kept growing and growing the vet told us he was actually a Jack Russell mix with chihuahua. Have you ever met a Jack Russell? He is 25lbs of mischief. A few months after I adopted Harry, the rescue called to say they had a teacup apple head chihuahua up for adoption. Some terrible back yard breeder had left him and the mom and litter to die for some reason. So I adopted a 1.5lbs teacup Chi and we named him Peanut. Peanut bonded with my mom because I was gone four days a week trying beauty school. Chihuahuas are funny that they bond with one person and no one else can pick them up, feed them, do anything for them and he's MY DOG!!
One dog can be challenging but three are insanity at times. My darling Harry has a brown snout like the dobermans' in Snoop Dog's video and he always looks sad and possibly high from smoking a blunt. So Harry's nickname is Snoop Dog. When Harry was younger he loved to steal shoes and eat them. After that he got a time out for a COME TO JESUS MOMENT. He got mischievous by stealing things and giving them to the baby, Peanut. Peanut was good though and brought the items from the under the bed and returned them. Once he dropped a twenty dollar bill with a bite taken out of it at my mom's feet. I started chastising Harry when he would misbehave by saying "Jesus is watching you" and believe it or not when I then say "talk to Jesus" he actually lays down with his head on his paws like he's praying!
Bandit and Harry love to play together but he won't play with the baby too much. I think since he's a 20lb yorkie he's afraid he'll hurt Peanut. Now, Peanut and Harry love to play. When Peanut wants to play and Harry is sleeping, he gives him a few slaps of the paw to the face. Peanut definitely rules the roost when it comes to my parents' bed. When my mom is home he wants her to lay with him on the bed. We give all of them little bones that the big dogs can eat quickly but take longer for little Peanut. If he has a bone and one of the other dogs get on the bed, he growls and they back up. It's so funny to see a 25lb dog back down from a 4lb Chi.
I also marvel at their special gifts. Peanut has extraordinary hearing. If I walk from my room at night to go to the kitchen, he starts barking from the back of the house before I leave my room at the front of the house. Harry has super dog sniffing. I can have food in my room and wait until later to eat it. I minute I carefully un-wrap it, there's Harry. Bandit is just really smart in all areas. Just the other night, I fell getting out of bed. It was 2am and I called out for my mom. Bandit heard and came to me. I said go get momma. He went to her room, stood at the door and barked until she said, "What do you want Bandit." He kept turning towards my room and kept barking until she came to help me.
Any one of these pups could be trouble. But when you have three and they start working together, you really in trouble. I actually think they have some sort of telepathy going on. Like this morning, I reached for my robe, before I had it on here come Bandit and Harry. They were ready to go out. I can go to my closet and choose a shirt and they both come running but this time barking because they think I am leaving the house. They don't like it when we leave.
My dogs bring such joy into my life. I can't imagine not being greeted when I come home by Harry bringing a toy and rolling on the back for a belly rub. Then there's Peanut barking when I leave my room. It's so funny I just tell him "Hey I live here." Grandpa Bandit he's always there to help me in case I fall. (I've been ill and unfortunately I do have falls occasionally.) I can't imagine my life with out these beautiful creatures. On a serious note, If you are looking for a dog, please adopt one from a rescue organization. I can't believe my special Harry and Peanut were left to die because the unscrupulous back yard breeders didn't want to take them to the vet.
Even though they gang up and try to put one over on their humans, I wouldn't trade them for anything. They are my best friends and are truly gifts from God.
Thursday, March 23, 2017
Monday, March 13, 2017
A LETTER TO JESUS
Dear Jesus,
I'm writing to you because I'm a writer and that's how I communicate best. I know that you hear my prayers and know my thoughts in my heart before I even have them.
First, Lord please forgive me that I fall short of the Christian I should be. I don't doubt you but I doubt myself when things are going badly. Satan puts thoughts in my mind. My mom says that if you're going along with everything working out perfectly, you better get on your knees and pray to see if you're truly living right. She says Satan causes grief and pain to Christians because we are the souls he wants to win from God.
Sometimes Lord it gets hard when you're bombarded by bad things happening. I have in the past been able to pray and it felt like you took hold of my hand. Recently, a lot of bad things happened and I prayed but didn't feel you take my hand. I finally realized that I needed more than your hand and you responded by carrying me because I was so broken and beaten down. I'm sorry for my doubt.
I thought that I was unworthy of even holding your hand and I was right. None of us is worthy of your precious grace and that's what makes your grace something beautiful. I don't deserve it yet it's available if I just reach out in faith and believe you are my Savior who died on the cross for me. I've often wished that I could have lived when you were a man walking the earth. I like to think that I would recognize you as my Savior and have been the woman whose faith was such that she simply wanted to touch the hem of your robe. I know now that through prayer and reading my Bible, I am that woman accepting on faith that you are all knowing and can understand what's in my heart.
Jesus, thank you for all the many blessings that I have in my life. You have blessed me with wonderful parents who are the strong Christians that I desire to be and a wonderful sister (and her family) and most of all, thank you for my daughter who is the greatest blessing I could ever hope for. Even with such blessings, I have my dark moments when I doubt myself. I know that I am my own worst enemy because of anxiety and self esteem issues. The devil uses these flaws to try to make me doubt your love for me. Lord, please forgive me for letting these thoughts cloud my judgement. It's hard to fight those doubts about myself.
I often think of things I've done in the past and sinned against you. I have confessed and asked for forgiveness so these things are washed clean. I have received your forgiveness but the forgiveness I need to find is my forgiveness of myself. So, with this letter I'm reaching out for the hem of your garment. Thank you Lord for not only reaching and taking my hand, but thank you for carrying me when I've needed it. Lord I am so sorry that I'm failing in so many ways, but I know that if I continue to pray and read your word then you will strengthen me. Thank you for your love and blessings. Continue to speak to my heart and help me remember to pray not just when things are going badly but when also when things are going well.
Sincerely,
TonyaMarie Swearingen
I'm writing to you because I'm a writer and that's how I communicate best. I know that you hear my prayers and know my thoughts in my heart before I even have them.
First, Lord please forgive me that I fall short of the Christian I should be. I don't doubt you but I doubt myself when things are going badly. Satan puts thoughts in my mind. My mom says that if you're going along with everything working out perfectly, you better get on your knees and pray to see if you're truly living right. She says Satan causes grief and pain to Christians because we are the souls he wants to win from God.
Sometimes Lord it gets hard when you're bombarded by bad things happening. I have in the past been able to pray and it felt like you took hold of my hand. Recently, a lot of bad things happened and I prayed but didn't feel you take my hand. I finally realized that I needed more than your hand and you responded by carrying me because I was so broken and beaten down. I'm sorry for my doubt.
I thought that I was unworthy of even holding your hand and I was right. None of us is worthy of your precious grace and that's what makes your grace something beautiful. I don't deserve it yet it's available if I just reach out in faith and believe you are my Savior who died on the cross for me. I've often wished that I could have lived when you were a man walking the earth. I like to think that I would recognize you as my Savior and have been the woman whose faith was such that she simply wanted to touch the hem of your robe. I know now that through prayer and reading my Bible, I am that woman accepting on faith that you are all knowing and can understand what's in my heart.
Jesus, thank you for all the many blessings that I have in my life. You have blessed me with wonderful parents who are the strong Christians that I desire to be and a wonderful sister (and her family) and most of all, thank you for my daughter who is the greatest blessing I could ever hope for. Even with such blessings, I have my dark moments when I doubt myself. I know that I am my own worst enemy because of anxiety and self esteem issues. The devil uses these flaws to try to make me doubt your love for me. Lord, please forgive me for letting these thoughts cloud my judgement. It's hard to fight those doubts about myself.
I often think of things I've done in the past and sinned against you. I have confessed and asked for forgiveness so these things are washed clean. I have received your forgiveness but the forgiveness I need to find is my forgiveness of myself. So, with this letter I'm reaching out for the hem of your garment. Thank you Lord for not only reaching and taking my hand, but thank you for carrying me when I've needed it. Lord I am so sorry that I'm failing in so many ways, but I know that if I continue to pray and read your word then you will strengthen me. Thank you for your love and blessings. Continue to speak to my heart and help me remember to pray not just when things are going badly but when also when things are going well.
Sincerely,
TonyaMarie Swearingen
Saturday, January 21, 2017
SURVIVING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Today there are marches for Women's Empowerment are happening in a number of cities across the country. Some say it's in protest of Donald Trump's Inauguration and in response to demeaning things he said to other men about women. Other reasons have been cited. Personally, I think the main reason we need to bring women together and put the spotlight on women's rights is in regard to domestic violence.
I was in an abusive relationship for many years. Domestic violence can take many forms. There is psychological abuse, emotional abuse and physical abuse. To be honest, I would have preferred the physical abuse be more prominent than the other two because bleeding and bruising can heal sometimes not even leaving a scar. It's something you can show to a doctor or law enforcement as proof of the pain you are suffering. That is not the case with psychological or emotional abuse. I had been called such horrible names so many times that I didn't even think it was wrong for someone to call me a bitch, a slut, or a whore.
One day, I got an email saying that a magazine was going to publish one of my articles. I was so excited that I could hardly wait until he got home from work. When he came in, I said, "You won't believe it but the article I submitted is being published. They are paying me too. It's the article I wrote about spending Thanksgiving at the Community Dinner. I can't believe they wrote right back to me."
He stopped beside me and said, "Why can't you at least let me get in the door? I can't have a moments peace coming in from work into my own home. You just bombard me with all this stuff about your day and I can't even come in and have my dinner in peace before you start in at me with all your trivial crap. So thank you for ruining my entire evening."
"I'm sorry," I said, "I was just so excited. This is a pretty big magazine and hard to get into. I thought you would be proud of me."
Then he said, "Right now all I want from you is my dinner and a few hours of peace and quiet while I watch television."
So I fixed his plate and brought him his dinner to the living room without saying another word. I felt so bad that I had made him so angry and knew that I should never let that happen again. His words had bruised my soul and battered my heart and those were injuries that took a very long time to heal. I carried those invisible scars around for years.
After I finally left him, family and friends, none of whom knew what my life was like, wondered why it took me so long to leave. The difficult truth is that I was ashamed that I had let his demeaning words and his repeatedly tell me I was crazy brainwash me. Every ugly thing he had said was tattooed on my heart and I was embarrassed that I wasn't strong enough to say enough is enough and walk away.
So when we think of Women's Empowerment, think of those suffering in silence. No matter if their bruises are visible or not they need our prayers. Some might say I'm lucky because he only put his hands on me a few times. Even once is one time too many and a real man would not call someone vile and nasty names. We need to educate young women about psychological and emotional abuse and how these abusers take over complete control of the lives the women lead. I could not buy a loaf of bread without calling to get his permission. That is abuse. I finally am putting the blame where it belongs on my abuser. I am done feeling ashamed and I know that I am stronger since God gave me the strength to get through the situation.
If you know someone that you suspect may be a victim of psychological abuse, try to get them to call the nearest abused persons hotline. No one deserves to be controlled, degraded or beaten.
God Bless.
I was in an abusive relationship for many years. Domestic violence can take many forms. There is psychological abuse, emotional abuse and physical abuse. To be honest, I would have preferred the physical abuse be more prominent than the other two because bleeding and bruising can heal sometimes not even leaving a scar. It's something you can show to a doctor or law enforcement as proof of the pain you are suffering. That is not the case with psychological or emotional abuse. I had been called such horrible names so many times that I didn't even think it was wrong for someone to call me a bitch, a slut, or a whore.
One day, I got an email saying that a magazine was going to publish one of my articles. I was so excited that I could hardly wait until he got home from work. When he came in, I said, "You won't believe it but the article I submitted is being published. They are paying me too. It's the article I wrote about spending Thanksgiving at the Community Dinner. I can't believe they wrote right back to me."
He stopped beside me and said, "Why can't you at least let me get in the door? I can't have a moments peace coming in from work into my own home. You just bombard me with all this stuff about your day and I can't even come in and have my dinner in peace before you start in at me with all your trivial crap. So thank you for ruining my entire evening."
"I'm sorry," I said, "I was just so excited. This is a pretty big magazine and hard to get into. I thought you would be proud of me."
Then he said, "Right now all I want from you is my dinner and a few hours of peace and quiet while I watch television."
So I fixed his plate and brought him his dinner to the living room without saying another word. I felt so bad that I had made him so angry and knew that I should never let that happen again. His words had bruised my soul and battered my heart and those were injuries that took a very long time to heal. I carried those invisible scars around for years.
After I finally left him, family and friends, none of whom knew what my life was like, wondered why it took me so long to leave. The difficult truth is that I was ashamed that I had let his demeaning words and his repeatedly tell me I was crazy brainwash me. Every ugly thing he had said was tattooed on my heart and I was embarrassed that I wasn't strong enough to say enough is enough and walk away.
So when we think of Women's Empowerment, think of those suffering in silence. No matter if their bruises are visible or not they need our prayers. Some might say I'm lucky because he only put his hands on me a few times. Even once is one time too many and a real man would not call someone vile and nasty names. We need to educate young women about psychological and emotional abuse and how these abusers take over complete control of the lives the women lead. I could not buy a loaf of bread without calling to get his permission. That is abuse. I finally am putting the blame where it belongs on my abuser. I am done feeling ashamed and I know that I am stronger since God gave me the strength to get through the situation.
If you know someone that you suspect may be a victim of psychological abuse, try to get them to call the nearest abused persons hotline. No one deserves to be controlled, degraded or beaten.
God Bless.
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