MY THREE DOGS

I have been blessed (or at times cursed!!) with three wonderful fur-babies. The first is the Grandpa of the group, Bandit who was my parents dog when I moved in.  Then three years ago adopted a rescue dog that I thought was a Chihuahua, named Harry. After he kept growing and growing the vet told us he was actually a Jack Russell mix with chihuahua. Have you ever met a Jack Russell? He is 25lbs of mischief. A few months after I adopted Harry, the rescue called to say they had a teacup apple head chihuahua up for adoption. Some terrible back yard breeder had left him and the mom and litter to die for some reason. So I adopted a 1.5lbs teacup Chi and we named him Peanut. Peanut bonded with my mom because I was gone four days a week trying beauty school. Chihuahuas are funny that they bond with one person and no one else can pick them up, feed them, do anything for them and he's MY DOG!!

One dog can be challenging but three are insanity at times. My darling Harry has a brown snout like the dobermans' in Snoop Dog's video and he always looks sad and possibly high from smoking a blunt. So Harry's nickname is Snoop Dog. When Harry was younger he loved to steal shoes and eat them. After that he got a time out for a COME TO JESUS MOMENT. He got mischievous by stealing things and giving them to the baby, Peanut. Peanut was good though and brought the items from the under the bed and returned them. Once he dropped a twenty dollar bill with a bite taken out of it at my mom's feet. I started chastising Harry when he would misbehave by saying "Jesus is watching you" and believe it or not when I then say "talk to Jesus" he actually lays down with his head on his paws like he's praying!

Bandit and Harry love to play together but he won't play with the baby too much. I think since he's a 20lb yorkie he's afraid he'll hurt Peanut. Now, Peanut and Harry love to play. When Peanut wants to play and Harry is sleeping, he gives him a few slaps of the paw to the face. Peanut definitely rules the   roost when it comes to my parents' bed. When my mom is home he wants her to lay with him on the bed. We give all of them little bones that the big dogs can eat quickly but take longer for little Peanut. If he has a bone and one of the other dogs get on the bed, he growls and they back up. It's so funny to see a 25lb dog back down from a 4lb Chi.

I also marvel at their special gifts. Peanut has extraordinary hearing. If I walk from my room at night to go to the kitchen, he starts barking from the back of the house before I leave my room at the front of  the house. Harry has super dog sniffing. I can have food in my room and wait until later to eat it. I minute I carefully un-wrap it, there's Harry. Bandit is just really smart in all areas. Just the other night, I fell getting out of bed. It was 2am and I called out for my mom. Bandit heard and came to me. I said go get momma. He went to her room, stood at the door and barked until she said, "What do you want Bandit." He kept turning towards my room and kept barking until she came to help me.

Any one of these pups could be trouble. But when you have three and they start working together, you really in trouble. I actually think they have some sort of telepathy going on. Like this morning, I reached for my robe, before I had it on here come Bandit and Harry. They were ready to go out. I can go to my closet and choose a shirt and they both come running but this time barking because they think I  am leaving the house. They don't like it when we leave.

My dogs bring such joy into my life. I can't imagine not being greeted when I come home by Harry bringing a toy and rolling on the back for a belly rub. Then there's Peanut barking when I leave my room. It's so funny I just tell him "Hey I live here." Grandpa Bandit he's always there to help me in case I fall. (I've been ill and unfortunately I do have falls occasionally.) I can't imagine my life with out these beautiful creatures. On a serious note, If you are looking for a dog, please adopt one from a rescue organization. I can't believe my special Harry and Peanut were left to die because the unscrupulous back yard breeders didn't want to take them to the vet.

Even though they gang up and try to put one over on their humans, I wouldn't trade them for anything. They are my best friends and are truly gifts from God.

A LETTER TO JESUS

Dear Jesus,

I'm writing to you because I'm a writer and that's how I communicate best. I know that you hear my prayers and know my thoughts in my heart before I even have them.

First, Lord please forgive me that I fall short of the Christian I should be. I don't doubt you but I doubt myself when things are going badly. Satan puts thoughts in my mind. My mom says that if you're going along with everything working out perfectly, you better get on your knees and pray to see if you're truly living right. She says Satan causes grief and pain to Christians because we are the souls he wants to win from God.

 Sometimes Lord it gets hard when you're bombarded by bad things happening. I have in the past been able to pray and it felt like you took hold of my hand. Recently, a lot of bad things happened and I prayed but didn't feel you take my hand. I finally realized that I needed more than your hand and you responded by carrying me because I was so broken and beaten down. I'm sorry for my doubt.

I thought that I was unworthy of even holding your hand and I was right. None of us is worthy of your precious grace and that's what makes your grace something beautiful. I don't deserve it yet it's available if I just reach out in faith and believe you are my Savior who died on the cross for me. I've often wished that I could have lived when you were a man walking the earth. I like to think that I would recognize you as my Savior and have been the woman whose faith was such that she simply wanted to touch the hem of your robe. I know now that through prayer and reading my Bible, I am that woman accepting on faith that you are all knowing and can understand what's in my heart.

Jesus, thank you for all the many blessings that I have in my life. You have blessed me with wonderful parents who are the strong Christians that I desire to be and a wonderful sister (and her family) and most of all, thank you for my daughter who is the greatest blessing I could ever hope for. Even with such blessings, I have my dark moments when I doubt myself. I know that I am my own worst enemy because of anxiety and self esteem issues. The devil uses these flaws to try to make me doubt your love for me. Lord, please forgive me for letting these thoughts cloud my judgement. It's hard to fight those doubts about myself.

I often think of things I've done in the past and sinned against you. I have confessed and asked for forgiveness so these things are washed clean. I have received your forgiveness but the forgiveness I need to find is my forgiveness of myself. So, with this letter I'm reaching out for the hem of your garment. Thank you Lord for not only reaching and taking my hand, but thank you for carrying me when I've needed it. Lord I am so sorry that I'm failing in so many ways, but I know that if I continue to pray and read your word then you will strengthen me. Thank you for your love and blessings. Continue to speak to my heart and help me remember to pray not just when things are going badly but when also when things are going well.

Sincerely,
TonyaMarie Swearingen

SURVIVING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Today there are marches for Women's Empowerment are happening in a number of cities across the country. Some say it's in protest of Donald Trump's Inauguration and in response to demeaning things he said to other men about women. Other reasons have been cited. Personally, I think the main reason we need to bring women together and put the spotlight on women's rights is in regard to domestic violence.

I was in an abusive relationship for many years. Domestic violence can take many forms. There is psychological abuse, emotional abuse and physical abuse. To be honest, I would have preferred the physical abuse be more prominent than the other two because bleeding and bruising can heal sometimes not even leaving a scar. It's something you can show to a doctor or law enforcement as proof of the pain you are suffering. That is not the case with psychological or emotional abuse. I had been called such horrible names so many times that I didn't even think it was wrong for someone to call me a bitch, a slut, or a whore.


One day, I got an email saying that a magazine was going to publish one of my articles. I was so excited that I could hardly wait until he got home from work. When he came in, I said, "You won't believe it but the article I submitted is being published. They are paying me too. It's the article I wrote about spending Thanksgiving at the Community Dinner. I can't believe they wrote right back to me."

He stopped beside me and said, "Why can't you at least let me get in the door? I can't have a moments peace coming in from work into my own home. You just bombard me with all this stuff about your day and I can't even come in and have my dinner in peace before you start in at me with all your trivial crap. So thank you for ruining my entire evening."

"I'm sorry," I said, "I was just so excited. This is a pretty big magazine and hard to get into. I thought you would be proud of me."

Then he said, "Right now all I want from you is my dinner and a few hours of peace and quiet while I watch television."

So I fixed his plate and brought him his dinner to the living room without saying another word. I felt so bad that I had made him so angry and knew that I should never let that happen again. His words had bruised my soul and battered my heart and those were injuries that took a very long time to heal. I carried those invisible scars around for years.

After I finally left him, family and friends, none of whom knew what my life was like, wondered why it took me so long to leave.  The difficult truth is that I was ashamed that I had let his demeaning words and his repeatedly tell me I was crazy brainwash me. Every ugly thing he had said was tattooed on my heart and I was embarrassed that I wasn't strong enough to say enough is enough and walk away.

So when we think of Women's Empowerment, think of those suffering in silence. No matter if their bruises are visible or not they need our prayers. Some might say I'm lucky because he only put his hands on me a few times. Even once is one time too many and a real man would not call someone vile and nasty names. We need to educate young women about psychological and emotional abuse and how these abusers take over complete control of the lives the women lead. I could not buy a loaf of bread without calling to get his permission. That is abuse. I finally am putting the blame where it belongs on my abuser. I am done feeling ashamed and I know that I am stronger since God gave me the strength to get through the situation.

If you know someone that you suspect may be a victim of psychological abuse, try to get them to call the nearest abused persons hotline. No one deserves to be controlled, degraded or beaten.

God Bless.

NOT WORTHY

I haven't blogged a post in a while. I've working on my novel which is a third finished. I just have something on my heart that I need to share. It's New year's eve. I'm at home. i've been a bit down.
It happens time to time as I'm bi-polar. I've been sad and although I have faith in
God, I have questioned hime as to why I have to suffer this. Pray and pray but I begin  to doubt whether he hears or wants to answer me.

I begin to wonder why. Then I felt that I wasn't worthy of his love. Then I realized that not one of us is worthy of his love. Christ died on the cross in order to give us forgiveness. Which one on of is worthy to have the Son of God die a brutal death on the cross to save us from sin?

We are not worthy. We are but human and fallible. That's what makes God's love for us even more special. We should be thankful each day for that love. But being human, we doubt God's love for us. When we doubt his love, we need to think of the Cross and JESUS who gave his life but rose from the deed and descended to heaven where he serves at the right hand of the Father.

I'm not worthy but I try to accept his love and have faith in God.

God Bless

SURVIVING SEXUAL ASSAULT

When I was a freshman in college, I was raped. It happened one month before my 18th birthday, Halloween night 1986. I went to a fraternity party dressed as a playboy bunny in a white leotard, tights, a bunny tail and ears. I had some drinks and was having a great time with my friends. The friend who had accompanied me decided to leave before I was ready to go home. I told her I'd be fine. When the party was winding down, one of the fraternity brothers that I considered a friend offered to walk me back to my dorm room.

When we got to my room, he asked if he could use my bathroom. I said, "Sure, my roommate is not here so you won't wake her."

Inside the room he grabbed me from behind and started kissing my neck. I asked him to stop, but instead he pulled me backwards and threw me across the end of my bed against the wall. My head hit the cinderblock wall. I must have passed out for several minutes.

When I came to, I was undressed and he was on top of me trying to force himself inside of me. Through my tears, I asked him to stop. He clutched my throat and said, "If you scream, I'll kill you."

I turned my head away and tried to just pray for it to be over. It hurt so bad because he was being so rough. It felt like it lasted for an eternity. When he finished, he said, "You tell anyone and I've got 30 frat brothers who'll swear you've already done them. Don't even think of calling the cops or I'll come back and do much worse."

I believed him. After he left, I showered for a long time until the water ran cold. I just wanted to get the scent of him off of me. I cried myself to sleep. The physical injuries didn't compare to what the rape did to my soul, to my sense of personal safety or to my self esteem. I tried to pretend nothing had happened but I had nightmares that made the darkness something to continually fear.

In 1986, acquaintance rapes were not really talked about. I thought I had done something to ask for it to happen like the way I was dressed or the fact that I had been drinking. Of course, now I know that the rape wasn't about those things. Rape is about anger, violence and control. I was not the one to blame; my rapist was.

It took me many years to get past the rape and the trust issues that came after. I wish I could say the nightmares are gone but I still have them occasionally. I often wonder if I might have had closure sooner had I reported the rape. That's something I'll never know. All I know is that I did survive and I've lived to tell my story. Hopefully, my sharing this can help other young women who have experienced rape to talk about it.

Rape is never the victim's fault, no matter what she wears or how drunk she might have been. No means no.

DREAM ON

Not too long ago, I asked myself if I was the only one whose dreams never came true. Under my high school yearbook picture my life goal was "to write the great American novel".  I thought that my dreams of that were not to be, but I had achieved a new dream which was having a beautiful daughter. My dream of a marriage that lasts all my life had ended, not failed, just ended.

While a stay at home mom, I published a number of freelance articles but didn't have the time to pursue my craft full time. After my divorce in 2011, I faced an extended potentially fatal illness. During my recovery, I began writing my own story which was very cathartic and helped my hone my craft but nothing was ready for publishing. So I read a lot and I prayed a lot. I should have known, everything happens in God's time not in mine. At that point, I began to dream on. I voiced those dreams to God and asked for guidance.

In the summer of 2016, God answered my prayers in a big way. I became inspired with a plot for a new novel and started doing research for that project. Then I saw an ad for writers wanted for a media group that owns eight women's magazines in the southeast. I sent my clips in to the editorial staff and was hired as a contributing writer. I have two articles coming out in the next issue of Emerald City Woman in Greenwood, South Carolina. I also was led to start this blog. In the first month, I received over 1000 views and it went international to ten countries on four continents. Thank you loyal readers, you are helping to encourage me to dream on.

I'm almost fifty years old, and I am proof that your dreams should stay in your heart no matter how long you've desired them. Through prayer, listening to God's desire for my life, and hard work my dreams are now becoming reality. Never give up on your dreams. They may be postponed while you fulfill God's plan for your life, but they never should go away. Everything happens for a reason and it happens in God's time, not in your time.

With a lot of work, a lot of prayer and a lot of faith dreams can come true at any time. Don't give up because one ending may lead to new beginnings. So always DREAM ON!!

LET'S INVADE CANADA

OK, Let's be real. Immigrants and visitors from most countries who come to the USA are identifiable because of language, accent, or cultural differences. Canadians are sneaky little bastards who can easily blend in and seem like just another citizen. I worry that the back and forth across the Canadian/US border is so normal every day that undesirables from terrorist countries could easily slip their way in. Plus, what is really the big difference between Canada and the US, except for the confused ones who think they're French.

So, I think we should just invade Canada and make them all Americans. It would expand our tax base and from what I've read they've got a good healthcare system in place. We could adopt the good things about Canada and they could adopt our culture. I mean, they're practically American anyway. Then, we could protect our largest land border entry. It's not that I don't think the border patrol does a bad job, but there's a lot of wilderness and water crossings where people can sneak across the border.

If Donald Trump can suggest a wall to keep the Mexican border safe, why can't I propose the invasion of Canada to annex them and put the entire country under Homeland Security's watchful eye? Come to think of it, that seems a perfect plan we would no longer have to worry about the Canadian border. We could go in and kick out any undesirable resident aliens and take control of most of North America. I don't think Canada has much of a military. At least, you never really here about their military prowess. If we invaded they'd probably surrender within a couple of days. Yes, the more I think about it we really need to invade and annex Canada as a US territory. That way, we would control the majority of North America.

Maybe Donald Trump should give me a call. With his plan for a wall to keep the Mexican border safe, and my plan to invade Canada, we can keep all the terrorists out. So, Donald if you read this and  like my ideas give me a call.

****AUTHOR'S NOTE, THIS POST IS MEANT TO BE A HUMOROUS TONGUE IN CHEEK LOOK AT CERTAIN CURRENT EVENTS.

CODE 3 IN A HURRICANE

Yes, while all the rest of South Carolinians were staying off the roads as Hurricane Matthew made landfall in Beaufort and Charleston, I was out riding along with a K-9 Unit of the Sheriff's Dept on the graveyard shift. It was extremely exciting but was my second such ride along with the unit which I was doing as research for a book I'm working on. First, I should recap that first amazing night I spent with Deputy T. Blackwelder and his K-9 partner, Lannes.

Lannes, a German Shepard, has been on the road since last November. Deputy Blackwelder introduced me to Lannes using only whisper commands the dog heeled by his side as I extended my hand which he promptly licked. We started the nighshift patrol and it wasn't long before I got to see Lannes in action. Every time the deputy got out of the SUV, Lannes was on his feet ready to go watching the deputy through the windshield. He got Lannes out to search a suspicious vehicle. The dog immediately alerted on the driver's side door and the deputy praised him but didn't him his reward because he needed to complete the "fresh air sniff" search (meaning from outside the vehicle and no probable cause is necessary). Around the other side I saw Lannes alert on the passenger side. At that point the deputy gave Lannes his reward - his ball. He then had probable cause and searched the interior of the car. whereupon he found several hypodermic needles which had traces of heroin. It was incredible that the dog got the scent from such a small amount of drugs. The next search was on a traffic stop on the interstate. Again, Lannes alerted and the car was searched. Only a spattering of marijuana seeds and buds were found on the floorboard. The most exciting thing to happen was a real surprise. We got the call of shots fired at a residence and we weren't far away. Deputy Blackwelder told me to hang on and he turned on the blue light and siren. At speeds well over 100mph we proceeded down  #1Hwy. Then we were on a two lane side street. He said, "You know we're doing 85 in a 30mph zone." And I replied, "I figured that out a few miles back!"

Deputy Blackwelder was the perfect person to ride with for my research. He not only is the handler for Lannes, but he trains all the other dogs and handlers with the Sheriff's Dept. He's ex-military and while deployed worked with an explosives sniffing dog. If you think I'm painting him to be a real 'badass' it's because he really is. He's like the "dog whisperer" of Aiken County. He took time to answer all my questions and explain everything that happened on our ride along. So when I had a few more questions, I arranged another ride along with him on the midnight shift.

So rather than barricading myself indoors away from all the rain and winds we got from the hurricane last Friday night, I was on another ride along. It was a bit of a slow night because most people were holed up in their houses off the road. We did have one interesting call. A stolen car was spotted and a high speed pursuit was initiated by other deputies as we finished up the call we were on. Then it was blue lights and siren to get Lannes on scene for when they baled out of their car. Deputy Blackwelder said, "We're CODE 3 in a hurricane". The hurricane barely slowed us down since the deputy is such a good driver after all he is a defensive driving instructor at the Police Academy. The rain was pouring almost going sideways from all the wind and to the scene we went. I never worried for a minute. Like I said, he's pretty much a badass!

I ended my ride along about 1:30am and then had to brave the elements to drive home but I didn't mind a little hurricane weather. These ride alongs were not only essential to my research, but they were a lot of fun. A big thank you to Lannes, Deputy Blackwelder, and Sheriff Michael Hunt. I couldn't write my book without all of their assistance. And if you've got drugs moving through Aiken County, you might have occasion to meet the Badass and Lannes.

JUST A VESSEL

Just to recap, I recently posted the story of a man who has cancer and there's nothing more anyone could do. (**SEE MR TOMMY'S STORY). I went to help care for his dogs and while I was there I felt led to thank him and his wife for allowing me to help out because it is through helping others that I can allowed God's love to show through me. Mr. Tommy replied, "you should know I'm not a Christian". Normally I may have dropped the conversation right there, but the Holy Spirit took over and I shared my testimony of God having healed me.

I drove home crying and praying out loud to God asking for Mr. Tommy to be healed and that he should come to know Jesus. Many of you responded to a FB post asking for prayer. Well, the prayers worked. Today, I got an email that Mr. Tommy had asked Jesus into his heart and had asked him for forgiveness. I shed tears of joy and prayed prayers of thanksgiving upon hearing of this. So, my message in this post is that our prayers have been answered. However, there's something else.

I'm not the type to go into conversations about religion at every turn, but I don't hide my faith either. I was led to share my story by divine inspiration. The fact is that as Christians we must always act as if someone were watching because they are. You may never know the lives you can touch on any given day and that influence can be positive or negative. I didn't go to see Mr. Tommy in order to change his heart. I didn't know his heart, but God did and he used me as a vessel to show (not just tell) how powerful God is and can be.

I take no credit for the change in Mr Tommy. Perhaps something I shared helped bring him to believe but just as a vessel can't take credit for how pure the water is, neither can I take credit. How often have I felt this tug on my heart that a stranger needs a kind hello or needs to get ahead of me in the grocery line. I'm sorry to say that I haven't always heeded these messages. I have asked God many times why he healed me, what was left for me to do here on earth. The fact is I may not know until I see Jesus face to face exactly what my true purpose was. But I have learned my lesson. When God says be a prayer warrior, I'll stop what I'm doing and I will pray. When the Holy Spirit nudges me to tell my testimony I'd better do it no matter if I know the person or not.

I'm not perfect. I struggle with questions some days and all I can do is pray for discernment. I now fully understand that God has a plan for all of us and we may influence others positively or negatively depending upon our actions and our words. We should all pray each day that God use us for his glory. We should graciously become a vessel for God's love.

God Bless

SCHOOL SHOOTING IN SOUTH CAROLINA

As I'm sure many of you saw on the news and all over social media, there was a school shooting incident in South Carolina yesterday. It happened in a little farm town near Anderson and Clemson University. A 14yr old boy who was himself homeschooled killed his father in his home. He then continued to the nearby Elementary school where his mother was a teacher. He approached the playground out back where the students were having recess. He fired shots and struck his mother and two six year old children. Luckily, an off duty 30 year veteran firefighter happened to witness then and proceeded to tackle and apprehend the teen with no further injuries by stopping him from firing at anymore students and keeping from entering the school. He is a real hero and saved many lives with his heroism.

I watched a live news feed on FB while police investigated the crime scene with reporters giving frequent updates. below the feed comments were being posted from all over the world. Most were joining in the call for prayer that God would watch over the wounded. The thing that I got most upset about were posts from people making 'reverse racism' remarks. One stated, "Just more stupid white people doing stupid stuff". Another said, "if the shooter were white he wouldn't have gotten arrested, he would have been shot by some white cop". And then there was one who said, "blacks don't shoot at schools". This was the tragic shooting where innocent little children were hurt so what did race have to do with it? I certainly would not get away with saying the same things about blacks or Al Sharpton would be on my lawn doing a press conference. There is no place or time when these racist remarks should be tolerated but especially not when little children were hurt.

School shootings have increased since the Columbine and Virginia Tech incidents and after all this time no one has come up with a way to prevent them in the future. A metal detector at doorways is a good tool, but wouldn't have helped here because he was on the playground. We can't, as some people suggested yesterday, arm all teachers with guns. Usually, the guns the shooters use are from their own homes. I don't suggest making guns illegal because criminals would just buy them illegally. Parents need to not only keep their guns in locked safes or gun cabinets but they need to not let their children even know they own a gun or hide where the gun(s) are kept. This is a protective measure we employ  in our house but for a different reason. My father is an ex-cop who has a concealed weapon permit but I have no idea where he keeps the gun. No, I'm not a child or a danger to myself or others, at least not consciously. You see, I sleepwalk and I have done some very strange things while asleep. One night about a year ago, I had a serious sleepwalking episode. I closed a gate we use to keep the dogs from going out the front door, I turned off our security alarm and was headed out the front door with my car keys in hand wearing only a nightgown. My mother heard the alarm being turned off and came quickly to stop me from leaving. She asked what I was doing at 3am. I told her I was late for school. She told me it was the middle of the night and so I said OK and went to bed. Since then I leave my keys in her room at night as a safety precaution.

People do have the right to own guns for their own protection but there's no need for a kid to even know about the presence of a gun in the home. Also, it's easier to get a gun than to get a driver's license. At least to drive you have to prove you know how before the DMV says have at it. Gun owners should have to be trained to use the weapon and the police should be able to do drop by spot checks of licensed gun owners to make them prove the weapon is secured and not accessible to children who live or just visit the home. To me that makes more sense than arming every teacher in America.

We also should prosecute the parents of school shooters if the parent's gun was used. It is their responsibility to make sure their guns don't end up in a kid's hands. We also should require certification training required of school guidance counselors that would familiarize them on warning signs to look for in the students they counsel. I hate to say it but to me school shootings are a symptom of the breakdown of moral fiber in this country and the lack of good family values in God centered homes.

As a country, we need to get pro-active on school violence instead of just re-active like we are now. For now all I can do is share my ideas here and hopefully spark some sort of intelligent discussion of how to solve this problem hopefully before it happens again. There is one more thing I can do and that is pray. I pray for all the children traumatized by yesterday's shooting and I pray for our country that maybe it's not too late for us to put God first in this country. Until we do that, evil stands a chance to prevail.

God Bless